“Yet again, i’ve become the second person. Yet again i miss”, was what that went through my mind when she said, “I have to say NO. I’m with another person”.

I wasn’t angry, i wasn’t surprised, i wasn’t emotional, neither did my heart break into a thousand pieces; but still when you took all your strength to tell someone that you really love them, no matter what. Ouch!!! it ought to hurt somewhere.

She was this person i met a few months back. To tell the truth my initial thought was that she was from North and i generally didn’t care because she was stunningly beautiful. Took some time to realize that she was also from the same geographical location as mine. Then it was the urge to get introduced to her and know her better as a person. That didn’t take long. We met and over time became good friends.

She was not at all like what i had imagined. Looks were deceptive, the Sherlock Holmes in me couldn’t spot that and bloody Dr. Watson was no where near. May be Holmes was drunk. She was simple, innocent, down to earth and oh boy she was younger to me. I find it really weird that most of the girls i meet and get introduced to are, lets say elder to me. I refrain from using the word “Older”, i dont want to get killed by them.

She found my stupid jokes funny, smiled when ever we met and yes i was falling, falling hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, twittered about her and Sandy made me the first spammer of twitter. Then came the Strings concert and i wanted to take her. This is something i will never forget. Things took a turn after this is what i feel. I met her and asked

“You know Strings, the band…”

“Yes…”

“and Saif …”(there was this smile on her face i cant describe)

“Well.. they are coming to town for a concert and i have 2 tickets, would you like to join…”(oops what did i do)

Her whole expression changed, she became dead serious and it scared the shit out of me. I felt that i was slapped and stripped.

“No”, came the reply and silence. I left faster than an F1 car from pit stop.

Later i asked her and realized that she was never asked out, has never been to any show and was shocked to hear somebody ask her out. I was on cloud nine, wow.. i want her to be mine.

Advice : Dont give her your site id, if you have written about her. I made the mistake and she read my twitter feeds. I was grilled one day and it took me by surprise. She sought an answer and the only way i saw out of it was to tell her, “You need an answer and i know what the question is. But i will answer only if you can ask me the question”. The was i knew her, she was not going to ask me that.

What next??? We had lunch together one day after that and all of a sudden she started avoiding me. Started giving excuses to avoid meeting me or seeking my help. My friends advised me to keep some distance too. I tried, but it was like she didn’t bother.
Then i took another advise. While having tea one fine evening my friend told me, “Go tell her how you feel. All it takes is ten minutes to tell her and if its YES fine, NO then move on. At the least you can stop messing with yourself.”

Dialed her and asked to meet me for 10 min. She came and killed me with that smile again. I don’t know why she does that and that too at those critical moment.

Now i have to get the whole thing out.”So you need and answer, right?”

“Yes.. ” (there comes the smile again)

“Well … i… really like you. Not by looks but as a person…” couldn’t say anything more and was trying to be as calm as i could.

She smiled and i felt i stood there for a life time, hoping the answer to be a positive one.

“I’m sorry, i’m already with someone.”. This was the toughest part, i was holding my emotions not to be evident “I know him from college and ….”, didn’t quite let her finish that or i guess i went blank at that time.

“Its ok .. its all fine. Sorry i had to make this look so weird…”, and i just cant remember what happened after this, we talked for 2 min and next thing i know is that i’m back at my seat. Five minutes later i realize that i had got a message from her

“Can we still be good friends …”. I hadn’t exactly got out of the whole thing and the reply went “No need!!!”

I still don’t know why i replied like that. I still love her. I don’t know what i saw. Its may be what i felt. But by the time everything was over i had fallen already.

I back Sandy, love makes the world go round, in damn circle of nothingness

(sorry cant include any names, even fake ones, i still love her …)