Category Archives: Celebrations

Mallu in Delhi – Part 2

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December 19, 2008 …

I didn’t expect to write this second part the very next day. But something really funny happened that i had to write about day 2.

After taking the session to a crowd, that enrolled itself for the advanced training, for something that they didn’t know, i was quite exhausted. Every time i finish a slide i’d ask them, “Did u guys understand that?”. They all will then have that look like Katrina Kaif just asked them out. Interestingly the only girl in the session, was trying out the student exercises and was cursing big time – “Yeh, kitna ghatiya system hai…”. With all that, i needed a break.

I decided to walk it up to the guest house. After all it was just a 15 min walk from the office. Got out to the main road and got on to a cycle rickshaw. I was told by my friend from Delhi that one of things to try out in Delhi was to take a ride in one of the cycle rickshaws. Hopped on to one of them and as i was nearing my guest house, i changed my plan.

(translation of my conversation with the rickshaw guy)

“Do you know any shopping malls near by..”

“Yes sir”

“Can you take me there?”

“Ok”

So he started peddling. On and on and on. On the way i see one Grand Mall, he didn’t stop there. Then i see a Mega Mall. he didnt stop there either. I asked him why he didn’t stop any where there? He replied that he will take me to a better place. 20 minutes into the ride i end up in a place like the BDA Complex in Bangalore and there was a big red board on top of that building and on it was written in white Arial Bold font – “DLF Shopping Mall”. Yes! he took me to a building named shopping mall. I just couldn’t stop laughing at myself. Paid the rickshaw guy and walked back to Mega Mall. All the way laughing at myself.

So if u ever end up in Delhi/Gurgaon/any NCR region, dont ask for shopping malls. Just ask for ‘malls’. I must warn you, if u cant say ‘mall’ with the ‘o’, and can only say that with an ‘a’; Oops! My advice – stay at home, Delhi is not the place for you. Or may be if you are lucky enough the mall can get you to a place full of ‘mall’.

Mallu in Delhi – Part 1

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December 19, 2008 …

With @fagunbhavsar falling head-over-heels over Parvathy Omanakuttan and vouching that he is going to use coconut-oil for cooking from now on, i just cant stop laughing at the fact that i’m literally bringing the coconut-oil-touch into the shudh-dahi-hindi over here. One of the few things that my friends, or rather the only thing that my friends asked me not to do in Delhi/Gurgaon or any other place in North-India, is to speak hindi. I tried but i couldn’t, the cabbies over here will only reply, “Yes Sir” to what ever you ask them in english.

“Will you pick me up tomorrow morning?”, “Yes sir!”

“or do i have to book a cab by calling up the office?”, “Yes sir!”

So the only was i could was to ask them something was in Hindi, and realize that they are smiling at my accent. Naah !!! i dont care.

I knew the journey had started, when at BIAL, i over heard a kid tell his mom in a thick British accent – “I’m not bull-shiting you mom!!!”. Ya right and i have fluent Hindi!!!.

Its some how destined that every time i travel, something embarrassing has to happen. This time i was brimming with confidence in my new semi-formal jacket, and confidence was overflowing when i saw the Kingfisher Lady at the check-in counter greet me with the broadest smile ever and a well placed, “Have a nice flight, sir!” on parting. Did i just feel like James Bond!. Ya the joy didnt even last for 5 min. I was in for the security check. I had only carried 2 bags for my 5 day trip and the security had to ask me to open one of them.

That fortunate bag had to be the one with all my clothes. No he didn’t ask me to pull out all the clothes. But he took out my deo, my hair cream and pulled out my bottle of Vaseline cream. Oh ya, i use lotion, coz its a dry weather outside and i knew Delhi was going to be worse than Bangalore. Oops i just made it worse! Any way he took it out, and i bet even a blind man 100mts away could’ve spot the bright colored bottle. He said its not allowed. Saving the last bit of dignity, i packed my bag and asked him to keep the lotion.

Then started the boooooooring wait to board the flight. It was so booring that all i could think of was, icon smile Mallu in Delhi Part 1 i had them written down too -

  • How will i stop 2s in sending me the message “Where are you?” every 17mins. I have a very interesting solution to that
  • Should i get married or settle in a live-in – this killed most of the time. I had to settle for live-in, considering the money that i can save or may be with half the money i save i can go on 2 honeymoons
  • Is there any way i can provide proof to Hexium’s question of Chicken or egg?

Thankfully it was time for boarding the flight. Good looking stewardesses, great food, ultimate passenger comfort. I’ll give 4.95/5 for Kingfisher Airlines. Taking away 0.05 coz, everything good in this world is either illegal, banned or owned by someone else.

Finally Delhi airport, it looked clean and different from my last visit. So here is a lesson that i learned long time back and always forget to implement it. Make your bookings/arrangements before hand. Dont think that you can do things impromptu. I didnt book my cab from the airport to the guesthouse and the next cab at my disposal was another 90minutes away. Ohh man!!! More time to kill…

Luckily the cab was there in 20 minutes and i reached guesthouse around 12PM. Off to sleep.

When you desire something true to heart, the whole universe conspires against you. My dad, my mom, my friend, the cabbie, the receptionist everyone called me and woke me up in the middle of my much needed sleep after 24hrs. Decided to call off the sleep and went to office.

I must say, people from Delhi are decedents of some Matrix generation. I tell the cabbie, “DLF Phase II, M 12/29“. Voila! the cabbie takes me there. Another set of numbers and there i’m staring at my destination. How do they do it? I do understand that its their place. But its just mere numbers. C’mon its like memorizing websites by their I.P. addresses. May be they should crack this on the next season of Myth Busters!!!

I’m looking fwd for the next 3 days of training … i hope they dont sleep off…

Son parfait, l’amour… (Its perfect, the love…)

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I wonder if its the cool breeze on a summer day or the first drops of rain kissing the warm soil, that makes things seem so perfect, so divine, that no polaroid can ever capture them. Like pieces of a perfect puzzle, it all blends together to give all of it a touch of Midas. Then there is something innocent like a baby, unreasoned like the tempestuous seas – Love. That sums up all of it.

They met, she denied, he pursued, she succumbed to his unfaltering love and now they stand at the corridor, together taking the next big step.

My sweet-heart, my friend who never fails to kick my butt, simply coz she loves to do it, Soumya, is getting married to, My best friend, my brother-from-another-mother, Sandy a.k.a 2s as we all know him.

So guys gear up, its happening soon… get ready for the wedding… icon wink Son parfait, lamour... (Its perfect, the love...)

san somu Son parfait, lamour... (Its perfect, the love...)

Wishing ‘em the best of everything…

Their dearest,

xxx Joey..

N.B :  No, the venue wont be Legends of Rock

How/When did she say ‘Yes’? : Obviously after coming to know that he is friend of yours truly and after he got down on his knees and proposed to her with a diamond ring, in front of friends and strangers in the busy, crowded, romantic Take-5.

Wedding Bells!!! Uhh What? Where’s my BFG?

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(Still wondering what a BFG is? read on…)

I was there, standing at a railway crossing. I can walk across the rails and go ahead on the road, on my way, where ever it can take me. But, No! I park my bike and start walking on the railway line. Minutes and hours pass by. I come across green meadows, houses, hills; it was a timeless journey. No thirst, no hunger, no pain, nothing. It was me, the railway line and the view. I don’t know how far i was walking. The sun was there shining high up in the sky. He never moved. I was lost in my thoughts.

It has been quite sometime that I’ve started hearing some strange sounds. It sounded like the ringing bell of an old steam-locomotive. Ting…. Ting…. Ting….

I was high on my spirits. After a long walk, i have a train to go forward. This was like the ultimate dream. Or am i dreaming? I stop to turn around. What the…. my legs are glued to the ground. I cant move!!!. I was struggling like hell to free myself. Behind me i could see the dust and smoke rising up in the horizon. What ever it may be, the dream was just about to turn ugly. My heart’s beating a 1000 beats per minute.

I look behind. I see a shining far behind. Its small, its fast and its coming my way. I’m struggling like hell. I hear the bell ringing even closer. I turn behind… What the #$#%^&^(*(&)(*_)… a pandit with neatly shaved head, big pony tail flying behind him, ringing his bell with one hand and a ‘portable’-fireplace (might be some new 21st century invention).. running towards me. What on heaven’s sake is that?

“Son”, holy crap!!! its my dad, standing to my right.

“What… How… Why…”

“Son”, jeeezzzz, its my mom, standing to my left.

“What… What are you guys doing here?”

“Tie the knot my son!!!”, they both say that with absolute precision that can even leave the most meticulously synchronized systems to shame.

“Tie what?”, i look in front of me and i almost faint. I’m holding a ‘mangalsuthru’ and there is this girl standing in front of me. I don’t know jack shit about her. Is this a right time to at least ask her name?. What am i doing …

Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting …….

I was still sweating and breathing heavily as i jumped out of my bed. Checked around me and all round my flat just to make sure that i didn’t really wake up after my first-night… or worse 20 years after my marriage. So why do i get the feeling that this is what is going to happen to me????

Parental-pressure is high! By parental-pressure i mean damn crazy pressure that can cause you to go sleepless for days at end. If i thought that could only be the only one which can cause unrest in my serene life, i was wrong. There was… No… there IS a far more greater pressure that will eventually get happy bachelors to get married. Its scientifically called Peer-Pressure a.k.a Friends.

Celibacy is not my way of life. But Yes, face it! Its your FRIENDS who will eventually get you married. They will all be there. They are the greatest treasure that u can have. Even long after you are gone, you will live within your friends. ‘Gone’ as in not like you are dead. ‘Gone’ as in, you go on-site and they will still talk about you as, ‘Kaminaa Saala!!! On-site se kuch nahi leke aayega. Fakeeerrrr…’. You live now, not after you’re dead.

They are there. But have you ever though about what happens when they all eventually face the running-pandit, gets run over by him, never gets a chance to wake up and lives the ‘dream’. Oops you’re in trouble.

They all get married and start their family. They no longer enjoy the jokes that you shared. Even worse they even reach a point where they tell you, “Dude don’t talk about all that, she doesn’t like all that”. Worse still, his wife hates you and more worse, her husband starts having feelings for you.

Oops! your friend will change. They all change eventually and you are left alone. You just cant go and make more friends because, the ‘make-great-friends’ list gets shorter with age. Soon you will find yourself without the great friends that you used to hand out with, no new friends and you are being treated like an adult where ever you go. And i believe the later stage is definitely not where i want to find myself at.

So now there is even more pressure on you to get married…

Whats that… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting… Where is that BFG (Big Fucking Gun), i’m gonna kill that pandit…

WTF… its full platoon of relatives and friends marching towards me. Dad and Mom holding a garland each, friends with kids and its then i realize that the pandit was just a side-kick.

I just stand there like a scapegoat as they dance around me… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting…

Writer’s Block : WTF !!!! Fuck it, I’m back

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Writers Block : WTF !!!! Fuck it, Im backI was there. It didn’t feel great.

I was scared, i was lost, i was wandering in the dark.

I hit the Writer’s Block.

Trust me its a damn scary place. Felt good when i reached there, mainly due to the fact that i was busy at work and i was in no way even getting time to pee. Forced into the dark the force grew weaker in me. Two days back i faced the bitter reality that i had hit the block, i shouldn’t have taken the left turn at the T-junction at the dead-end, for what joy?, i have no idea.

Goddess Wikipedia (a.k.a. Goddess Saraswathi in Hindu Mythology), describes Writer’s Block as :

Writer’s block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.

Naah!!! Nothing of these caused my condition. I had inspiration(lots of it) and i had lots to write but i didn’t. Why? I needed a reason and today i have a reason to write. Breaking the door, like Rajani, i’m out with the reason i needed (I wish it was more like a girl that i walked out with).

20th Sept, 15th Oct and this one on the 30th of Oct, that was the frequency of my posts in the last 2 months.

Looking back i ponder what made me stop, was it the work or was it something more noir. Yes, work was one of the reasons, undeniably. 20+ hrs of working on a single day, my friends began referring me as IBM‘s bitch. Getting adjusted to the new life was one definite factor. But when i search deep it was something more than that. One that pains me still, tried shrugging it off, but couldn’t, it still lingers in the darkest thoughts. It can be described as one that is scariest for a writer. I was never credited for something that i wrote. Even my closest friends didnt acknowledge the fact that it was me. Bang! i got a “500 Internal Server Error” when i was expecting a “200 OK” with “Connection: Keep-Alive”.

Any way its all behind me, and i at least think that i’m back.

BTW my lingo has now been reduced into the results of an aftermath of heavy AS2/AS3 testing, with heavy dosage of XML and Development team that doesnt consent to bugs.

Taken this opportunity, if u would like anyone who is coming across this post to share, what made them hit writer’s block and how they did eventually overcome it….

icon smile Writers Block : WTF !!!! Fuck it, Im back