Sanity Insanity and Moi

I wonder if its the cool breeze on a summer day or the first drops of rain kissing the warm soil, that makes things seem so perfect, so divine, that no polaroid can ever capture them. Like pieces of a perfect puzzle, it all blends together to give all of it a touch of Midas. Then there is something innocent like a baby, unreasoned like the tempestuous seas - Love. That sums up all of it.

They met, she denied, he pursued, she succumbed to his unfaltering love and now they stand at the corridor, together taking the next big step.

My sweet-heart, my friend who never fails to kick my butt, simply coz she loves to do it, Soumya, is getting married to, My best friend, my brother-from-another-mother, Sandy a.k.a 2s as we all know him.

So guys gear up, its happening soon… get ready for the wedding…

Wishing ‘em the best of everything…

Their dearest,

xxx Joey..

N.B :  No, the venue wont be Legends of Rock

How/When did she say ‘Yes’? : Obviously after coming to know that he is friend of yours truly and after he got down on his knees and proposed to her with a diamond ring, in front of friends and strangers in the busy, crowded, romantic Take-5.

(Still wondering what a BFG is? read on…)

I was there, standing at a railway crossing. I can walk across the rails and go ahead on the road, on my way, where ever it can take me. But, No! I park my bike and start walking on the railway line. Minutes and hours pass by. I come across green meadows, houses, hills; it was a timeless journey. No thirst, no hunger, no pain, nothing. It was me, the railway line and the view. I don’t know how far i was walking. The sun was there shining high up in the sky. He never moved. I was lost in my thoughts.

It has been quite sometime that I’ve started hearing some strange sounds. It sounded like the ringing bell of an old steam-locomotive. Ting…. Ting…. Ting….

I was high on my spirits. After a long walk, i have a train to go forward. This was like the ultimate dream. Or am i dreaming? I stop to turn around. What the…. my legs are glued to the ground. I cant move!!!. I was struggling like hell to free myself. Behind me i could see the dust and smoke rising up in the horizon. What ever it may be, the dream was just about to turn ugly. My heart’s beating a 1000 beats per minute.

I look behind. I see a shining far behind. Its small, its fast and its coming my way. I’m struggling like hell. I hear the bell ringing even closer. I turn behind… What the #$#%^&^(*(&)(*_)… a pandit with neatly shaved head, big pony tail flying behind him, ringing his bell with one hand and a ‘portable’-fireplace (might be some new 21st century invention).. running towards me. What on heaven’s sake is that?

“Son”, holy crap!!! its my dad, standing to my right.

“What… How… Why…”

“Son”, jeeezzzz, its my mom, standing to my left.

“What… What are you guys doing here?”

“Tie the knot my son!!!”, they both say that with absolute precision that can even leave the most meticulously synchronized systems to shame.

“Tie what?”, i look in front of me and i almost faint. I’m holding a ‘mangalsuthru’ and there is this girl standing in front of me. I don’t know jack shit about her. Is this a right time to at least ask her name?. What am i doing …

Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting …….

I was still sweating and breathing heavily as i jumped out of my bed. Checked around me and all round my flat just to make sure that i didn’t really wake up after my first-night… or worse 20 years after my marriage. So why do i get the feeling that this is what is going to happen to me????

Parental-pressure is high! By parental-pressure i mean damn crazy pressure that can cause you to go sleepless for days at end. If i thought that could only be the only one which can cause unrest in my serene life, i was wrong. There was… No… there IS a far more greater pressure that will eventually get happy bachelors to get married. Its scientifically called Peer-Pressure a.k.a Friends.

Celibacy is not my way of life. But Yes, face it! Its your FRIENDS who will eventually get you married. They will all be there. They are the greatest treasure that u can have. Even long after you are gone, you will live within your friends. ‘Gone’ as in not like you are dead. ‘Gone’ as in, you go on-site and they will still talk about you as, ‘Kaminaa Saala!!! On-site se kuch nahi leke aayega. Fakeeerrrr…’. You live now, not after you’re dead.

They are there. But have you ever though about what happens when they all eventually face the running-pandit, gets run over by him, never gets a chance to wake up and lives the ‘dream’. Oops you’re in trouble.

They all get married and start their family. They no longer enjoy the jokes that you shared. Even worse they even reach a point where they tell you, “Dude don’t talk about all that, she doesn’t like all that”. Worse still, his wife hates you and more worse, her husband starts having feelings for you.

Oops! your friend will change. They all change eventually and you are left alone. You just cant go and make more friends because, the ‘make-great-friends’ list gets shorter with age. Soon you will find yourself without the great friends that you used to hand out with, no new friends and you are being treated like an adult where ever you go. And i believe the later stage is definitely not where i want to find myself at.

So now there is even more pressure on you to get married…

Whats that… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting… Where is that BFG (Big Fucking Gun), i’m gonna kill that pandit…

WTF… its full platoon of relatives and friends marching towards me. Dad and Mom holding a garland each, friends with kids and its then i realize that the pandit was just a side-kick.

I just stand there like a scapegoat as they dance around me… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting…

Of late, especially after i booked my flat, my folks are after me, pressurizing every bit inside me to get married. Well, thought you should know, i’ve been a bachelor and i had my share of heart breaks and breakings. After the last one, i just decided to settle with the drunk chicks at the pubs or rather get’em drunk. But how the hell am i supposed to know that my folks were having such plans for me. Trust me, its tough to be a single, good looking, smart dark bachelor down south (i love vanity). The nosy neighbors and relatives makes sure that the juice is sucked out of you. Damn you Suckers!!!

The hard part is, you don’t get to choose or say a word beyond telling yes/no to the girls that they parade in front of you. I consider myself lucky, some guys i *knew* never even had that.

Son! THIS IS YOUR BRIDE! Marry HER!

Yes dad!!!

I mean whats the whole pressure thing about? I’ve been a really well spoiled bachelor so far, waking up and sleeping with the timings of people half-way round the world, eating anything that i could lay my hands on - stale breads, half-cooked spicy chicken curry that cleans your food-track once a month, Domino’s pizzas that run for 2 days etc. etc.. Now i’m being even more responsible by booking a flat (i need to mention that it was again pressure from folks). Now that i have a place for myself, the next thing that i need to concentrate is my career, blogging, make some money etc etc. I’m not ready to be tied down.

What are the odds, that the girl they pick for you is not gonna make your life miserable? Dad’s got a comeback for that too, “At least both the families are there to help you out with that”. Then why cant i just find someone with whom i’m comfortable with? Facts to be laid straight, yes they did take care of you for a long time, but do they have to pick up your partner too.

Am i ready to take the responsibility? Hell no! May be i would like to get married, after i know that person a bit more. If not, then jumping into marriage is no different than having sex, with her and your parent’s consent!

As a closing note, the last conversation with my dad ended with him telling me this -

“As a bachelor, you live like a King and die like a Dog, Once married, you live like a Dog and die like a King”

No idea who put that in his head, but i sure did got it out. Even my mom was left gaping after that dialogue.

A month away from blogging and all active online activity. There has to be some valid reasons, right!!!

Of lately i was going through some strategic, that’s right ’strategic’, changes in life. Both in my career and my personal life. No you dumb ass, i didn’t get married nor did i get engaged. Definitely i’m not having a break-up / patch-up nor did i find someone. Why does people have to think that “its that” when i tell them that i had some major personal life changes and i’m being responsible these days.

Career vise, i quit my previous employer and joined a BIG BIG BIG company. Currently working in a very cool environment, where they practically let you do anything. My kind of work. The confidentiality nature of the project that i’m working right now is such that, i have no idea what i’m doing… :). AND the best part, they gave me a T61p ThinkPad to work. Now that’s whats called super cool!!!!

Ok now on the personal life side - i bought a flat in Bangalore. Ok, close your mouth, its not something to eat. Why cant a guy with ‘0′ savings buy a flat. So soon, within a 2 month time, i’ll be moving into my new adobe. All are welcome to party anytime. Already the booking list is out-of-bounds.

In other news… i’ll be flying to delhi on the 26th of this month. I’ll be talking about blogging and its business side at Birla Institute of Management and Technology, Noida, as part of Mutiny’s evangelism initiative. If any of you BIMTECH-ers are listening, i just started preparing the slides. 27th i’ll be in Delhi, roaming around with my friend Anina. So anyone from Delhi, other than Anina, who knows me (sorry i’m too bad at names and remembering where ppl are from) drop in a word we can meet for sure.

And i hope i can remain active online for quite some time now…

What we do these days involves competition. No matter what. A a kid we race to the gate and back. As teens we race our bikes. As adults we race against time and colleagues. The time that we live in Competition is viewed as the source of creativity and self improvement. As a kid we are expected to be the top scorer in the class, not the smartest, as teens we are expected to be responsible but not creative and as the workforce we are expected to bring in profit and not innovation.

Why does competition has to be so bad? Slowly but steadily everyone starts to keeps expectations out of you and keeps reminding you about that. You fall victim to it losing your creativity. Its because we want to beat that record and get our names in there. We benchmark every thing everyday, we fall into The Curse of Great Expectation.

But what about creativity? If i have ever done anything that is creative or innovated an idea, its because i didn’t take part in a race. On the same grounds i hate taking exams too. Exams for me is again about breaking records and false derivatives. With time being most valued, exams seems to be the only way people want to find talents.

There is a trend with the organizations now. They are still competing and very much in the race. They do it in more ‘innovative’ ways. They ask you to just innovate and come up with some thing very brilliant. Even if you didn’t mean that to be part of any race or drive the race. Its used by the organization to outrun their competitor.

The human cost to win the organization’s race or the cost of health on onself is often disregarded. But what happens to those who stay out of the competition and decide to be .. uhh .. say free. They have immense potential to be creative and inventive. But why don’t they?.

The Society is stereotyped in believing that competing is the best way to progress. So much of the things that these so called ‘free birds’ innovate are considered inferior. They eventually gets into the race to survive or fall.

I knew of a person during my college days. He was this extra brilliant guy. There wasn’t much that he couldn’t answer about technology. Few professors realized his potential. But but the rest of the folks were unforgiving. Had the mentoring right he wouldn’t had to settle for a rather uhhh normal techie kind of job with an average company.

Its time we wake up to say no to the unwanted competitions around us.

I dont know much about B. S. Yeddyurappa. All i know is that he is a BJP state leader, going to lead a state for 4 years. I don’t know much about the Opposition too. I heard news that the Opposition JDS, double crossed him during their coalition tenure that ruled the state before the election.

I’ve been here in Techville for almost of my good age. I commute for almost 3 hours a day just to reach office and back home. I spent my day time in front of a monitor, working for some unknown foreigner. I call it the Modern Colonization. But who cares. The government says that the IT industry is bringing in huge foreign money.

I stay away from my family for most of the year. I earn 10 times compared to what my father earns. Still his savings are 100 times mine. I’m as ignorant about whats happening in this foreign state as i’m about the things happening in my family. Why? All i can do, if i ever manage to get back home after work, is to eat and sleep. Before anyone else wakes up in the morning i’m up and ready to catch the bus to office, which has been timed to avoid the peak traffic on the road. But still manages to be in the midst of traffic everyday.

So Mr. B. S. Yeddyurappa or rather Yeddy or BSY, as you should be hence forth called as reported by the morning-gossip paper, i have a request.

Your state is now on the map, not because its the Garden City (leave alone the gardens, there are no more trees left here), its because of young people like us. We put Techville a.k. Bangalore a.k.a Bengaluru (do u have any new names in store???) on the map. But what did the state give us?

We are mistreated by the Auto Army. Despite the hike in fares they still ask for a fortune. Mugged by locals. The new international Airport is a good 5hrs journey (approx the same time it takes for me to reach Coorg from where i stay). Petrol/Diesel prices are the highest in the country. Traffic is a mess.

I don’t expect you to make a difference to all these. But i expect a fair deal. I spent my youth and energy away from home, staying at a place that i thought i could call home. As a kid i was taught that all of India as a nation is one. I find prejudice against people here. I feel like i’m far from home.

I’m afraid to travel by bus or car as i don’t know when an accident can happen and the mob to burn the vehicle i’m traveling at.The Police sometimes only speak to you in their native language, if they know that you’re from out of town.

This is where i earn my daily bread and this is where i live. So is it too much for me to ask for better way for things. I add to the local diversity that is sometimes herald by the media. Why cant i just say Our State and not just Your State?

All said and all promises given, at the time of next election we shouldn’t be asking Yelli-ddyurappa???

Quite amazing that .. i’m not feeling like to write …

So now that the new year is around… i have my things i want for 2007. May be Santa was quite busy during Xmas.. he might fulfill my wishes as this is an off season …

• get a real good hike in my salary and i’m able to manage the money efficiently ..
• there is this girl i’m having a crush lately and it has started to bug me a little bit… may she fall in love with me …
• i’m recognised every where
• may those buggers no longer bug me… ..If they still do.. let me have the power to give them hell

i”m not competing for any personality contest… so this is my wish list… small but quite huge

This is one of my fav songs … all time fav
Leann Rimes - How Do I Live Without You

How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You’re my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There’d be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There’d be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don’t know what I would do,
I’d be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?

If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don’t you know that you’re everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?

as i have mentioned earlier, telling just about success is not fair, i should also be telling about the failures. hence telling about whats happening good in my life alone is alos not fair, i have to tell the dark side too…

There is mainly two problems facing me now… the last one just got added a day before.

Its said that

“the hardest thing to do is not to leave the one you love, but to see the one you love living with someone”

people wont realize this, unless they are put through it. So when it came to a point with this girl, i told her no. She never understands. Blame me for that and what does she do, verbal assault. I cant just walk out and i just cant tell her to just f***, coz that makes no difference between me and the rest of the guys. but she keeps saying that i’m no different.

the second is, when a very casual playful conversation, turned against me. the guy was having a real bad day. he never hinted about it. only when couple of mails was send around, i realized the mistake. but the damage was done. GOD, hell with stupid morons. i had apologized for my erratic behavior, but what use, i keep getting threatening messages. This one I’m quite interested in dealing with, coz i want to see how far he is going to go.

thanks to my best budz, i’m not the person i used to be… else also i wud have done nothing.. just shrug this off… hey life comes with many attractive gifts.. just sit back and enjoy the show…coz

“… i die with no regrets, with happiness and no tears …”

I was having this equation

i left it like that, and didnt bother to solve it. It turned out that what ever value c took, a and b promised to keep the equation balanced.

Things went on quite very well for a long time. Then there was an expected change in the behavious of c. a and b tried to make the equation balanced. a failed many a times, but b sorted that out.

c was on b’s side and b promised to keep the equation safe.
“promises are meant to be broken“, b was unable to do so, promises were broken.

So i’m left with an unbalanced equation, with just a by my side…