Sanity Insanity and Moi

December 19, 2008 …

I didn’t expect to write this second part the very next day. But something really funny happened that i had to write about day 2.

After taking the session to a crowd, that enrolled itself for the advanced training, for something that they didn’t know, i was quite exhausted. Every time i finish a slide i’d ask them, “Did u guys understand that?”. They all will then have that look like Katrina Kaif just asked them out. Interestingly the only girl in the session, was trying out the student exercises and was cursing big time - “Yeh, kitna ghatiya system hai…”. With all that, i needed a break.

I decided to walk it up to the guest house. After all it was just a 15 min walk from the office. Got out to the main road and got on to a cycle rickshaw. I was told by my friend from Delhi that one of things to try out in Delhi was to take a ride in one of the cycle rickshaws. Hopped on to one of them and as i was nearing my guest house, i changed my plan.

(translation of my conversation with the rickshaw guy)

“Do you know any shopping malls near by..”

“Yes sir”

“Can you take me there?”

“Ok”

So he started peddling. On and on and on. On the way i see one Grand Mall, he didn’t stop there. Then i see a Mega Mall. he didnt stop there either. I asked him why he didn’t stop any where there? He replied that he will take me to a better place. 20 minutes into the ride i end up in a place like the BDA Complex in Bangalore and there was a big red board on top of that building and on it was written in white Arial Bold font - “DLF Shopping Mall”. Yes! he took me to a building named shopping mall. I just couldn’t stop laughing at myself. Paid the rickshaw guy and walked back to Mega Mall. All the way laughing at myself.

So if u ever end up in Delhi/Gurgaon/any NCR region, dont ask for shopping malls. Just ask for ‘malls’. I must warn you, if u cant say ‘mall’ with the ‘o’, and can only say that with an ‘a’; Oops! My advice - stay at home, Delhi is not the place for you. Or may be if you are lucky enough the mall can get you to a place full of ‘mall’.

(Still wondering what a BFG is? read on…)

I was there, standing at a railway crossing. I can walk across the rails and go ahead on the road, on my way, where ever it can take me. But, No! I park my bike and start walking on the railway line. Minutes and hours pass by. I come across green meadows, houses, hills; it was a timeless journey. No thirst, no hunger, no pain, nothing. It was me, the railway line and the view. I don’t know how far i was walking. The sun was there shining high up in the sky. He never moved. I was lost in my thoughts.

It has been quite sometime that I’ve started hearing some strange sounds. It sounded like the ringing bell of an old steam-locomotive. Ting…. Ting…. Ting….

I was high on my spirits. After a long walk, i have a train to go forward. This was like the ultimate dream. Or am i dreaming? I stop to turn around. What the…. my legs are glued to the ground. I cant move!!!. I was struggling like hell to free myself. Behind me i could see the dust and smoke rising up in the horizon. What ever it may be, the dream was just about to turn ugly. My heart’s beating a 1000 beats per minute.

I look behind. I see a shining far behind. Its small, its fast and its coming my way. I’m struggling like hell. I hear the bell ringing even closer. I turn behind… What the #$#%^&^(*(&)(*_)… a pandit with neatly shaved head, big pony tail flying behind him, ringing his bell with one hand and a ‘portable’-fireplace (might be some new 21st century invention).. running towards me. What on heaven’s sake is that?

“Son”, holy crap!!! its my dad, standing to my right.

“What… How… Why…”

“Son”, jeeezzzz, its my mom, standing to my left.

“What… What are you guys doing here?”

“Tie the knot my son!!!”, they both say that with absolute precision that can even leave the most meticulously synchronized systems to shame.

“Tie what?”, i look in front of me and i almost faint. I’m holding a ‘mangalsuthru’ and there is this girl standing in front of me. I don’t know jack shit about her. Is this a right time to at least ask her name?. What am i doing …

Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting …….

I was still sweating and breathing heavily as i jumped out of my bed. Checked around me and all round my flat just to make sure that i didn’t really wake up after my first-night… or worse 20 years after my marriage. So why do i get the feeling that this is what is going to happen to me????

Parental-pressure is high! By parental-pressure i mean damn crazy pressure that can cause you to go sleepless for days at end. If i thought that could only be the only one which can cause unrest in my serene life, i was wrong. There was… No… there IS a far more greater pressure that will eventually get happy bachelors to get married. Its scientifically called Peer-Pressure a.k.a Friends.

Celibacy is not my way of life. But Yes, face it! Its your FRIENDS who will eventually get you married. They will all be there. They are the greatest treasure that u can have. Even long after you are gone, you will live within your friends. ‘Gone’ as in not like you are dead. ‘Gone’ as in, you go on-site and they will still talk about you as, ‘Kaminaa Saala!!! On-site se kuch nahi leke aayega. Fakeeerrrr…’. You live now, not after you’re dead.

They are there. But have you ever though about what happens when they all eventually face the running-pandit, gets run over by him, never gets a chance to wake up and lives the ‘dream’. Oops you’re in trouble.

They all get married and start their family. They no longer enjoy the jokes that you shared. Even worse they even reach a point where they tell you, “Dude don’t talk about all that, she doesn’t like all that”. Worse still, his wife hates you and more worse, her husband starts having feelings for you.

Oops! your friend will change. They all change eventually and you are left alone. You just cant go and make more friends because, the ‘make-great-friends’ list gets shorter with age. Soon you will find yourself without the great friends that you used to hand out with, no new friends and you are being treated like an adult where ever you go. And i believe the later stage is definitely not where i want to find myself at.

So now there is even more pressure on you to get married…

Whats that… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting… Where is that BFG (Big Fucking Gun), i’m gonna kill that pandit…

WTF… its full platoon of relatives and friends marching towards me. Dad and Mom holding a garland each, friends with kids and its then i realize that the pandit was just a side-kick.

I just stand there like a scapegoat as they dance around me… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting…

I was there. It didn’t feel great.

I was scared, i was lost, i was wandering in the dark.

I hit the Writer’s Block.

Trust me its a damn scary place. Felt good when i reached there, mainly due to the fact that i was busy at work and i was in no way even getting time to pee. Forced into the dark the force grew weaker in me. Two days back i faced the bitter reality that i had hit the block, i shouldn’t have taken the left turn at the T-junction at the dead-end, for what joy?, i have no idea.

Goddess Wikipedia (a.k.a. Goddess Saraswathi in Hindu Mythology), describes Writer’s Block as :

Writer’s block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.

Naah!!! Nothing of these caused my condition. I had inspiration(lots of it) and i had lots to write but i didn’t. Why? I needed a reason and today i have a reason to write. Breaking the door, like Rajani, i’m out with the reason i needed (I wish it was more like a girl that i walked out with).

20th Sept, 15th Oct and this one on the 30th of Oct, that was the frequency of my posts in the last 2 months.

Looking back i ponder what made me stop, was it the work or was it something more noir. Yes, work was one of the reasons, undeniably. 20+ hrs of working on a single day, my friends began referring me as IBM’s bitch. Getting adjusted to the new life was one definite factor. But when i search deep it was something more than that. One that pains me still, tried shrugging it off, but couldn’t, it still lingers in the darkest thoughts. It can be described as one that is scariest for a writer. I was never credited for something that i wrote. Even my closest friends didnt acknowledge the fact that it was me. Bang! i got a “500 Internal Server Error” when i was expecting a “200 OK” with “Connection: Keep-Alive”.

Any way its all behind me, and i at least think that i’m back.

BTW my lingo has now been reduced into the results of an aftermath of heavy AS2/AS3 testing, with heavy dosage of XML and Development team that doesnt consent to bugs.

Taken this opportunity, if u would like anyone who is coming across this post to share, what made them hit writer’s block and how they did eventually overcome it….

I haven’t been much of a sports person all my life. But i was fit enough to play a match of cricket or a game of basketball. Of late the techie job that i have and my kind of lifestyle started to take a toll on my health. Following my employer’s motto, i ‘THINK’ and i IDEATE but i also took on the activity of IDLE-ating.

How bad did i get? Remember the movie Ice Age and the character Sid. He makes a portrait of himself on the rock and Diego draws a circle around his belly. Ya i started to look like that. Though more in a human form.

2 days back, a head rush or rather a knee jerk decision found me going up to the watchman and asking him the keys to the Gym, at my apartment.

Got into my room, changed and headed to the gym on the terrace. Most of the people are too lazy and more over since it was 7:30 in the evening, i didn’t expect any one to be there at the gym. As i neared i could make out that someone was using the thread-mill.

But Who?

OMG! A girl. And not bad .. she’s hot!!! Now its more of a challenge to me. My right-side of the brain telling my left-leg to step forward and enter the gym. At the same time my left-side of the brain ordering the right-leg to turn back. In that split second i almost did a 180 deg split, like Bruce Lee.

Snap! and i’m in the gym. I’m all too serious now. Kept the keys and the mobile by the window. Looked at her and said a ‘Hi’ and introduced myself. Hmmm.. she is smart. Doing her 2nd year BSc Computer Science at Christ College. And she answers to “Manisha”.

“C’mon tiger! You can do it. Be cool. Do what you are here for. Ask her for a date! No No .. Do the damn exercise. If not, you will eventually look like Sid. Then even if you are migrating to avoid the Ice Age you wont even be half as lucky as Sid. Your story will end at the hands of the Rhinos.”

Ok, straight away, for the dumbbells. Hmm 10Kg, lifted it.. naah too heavy. Ahhh, 5Kg, i picked one in each hand. In any given situation people will lift the dumbbell one at time, bottom-up, pumping their biceps. I didn’t.

May be because i was praying to God not to mess up and may be that Jesus decided to play a prank with me, i did the worst thing ever. I lifted them shoulder height with my arms stretched out to the sides. Yes, Jesus got me crucified in a dumbbell situation. And the 30 year old crucified virgin started having fun with me. I began bringing them both forward and then back all in an arm stretched situation. I began clapping with 5Kg dumbbells. I only clapped twice, had to keep them back as i realized it would be a nice time to put’em back.

After that i did ask her some thing and we did talk for like 10 sec. But i was too fucked with what i did, i just cant remember.

Well by that time she was done with the thread-mill. I thought, ok now its time to show her what i can do on a thread mill. I will just run till she leaves.My eyes just popped out when i saw that she was running for 30min flat. So, lets just walk on the thread-mill.

Noooo! she just got the mat and is about to do something lying on the floor. What do i ask her? What do i ask her? Wait my mobile is still near the window. I will ask her to get hat for me and i can thanks her for that…

“Excuse me! Can you please get me my mobile… Its there near the window”

“Sure”, she promptly gets me my mobile… Mobile you lucky bastard.

I take the mobile from her, still walking very proudly on the thread-mill, keeps it in the holder, which was looking more like a bottle holder and then revert

“Sorry, Thank You, I’m “.

She just smiles and walks away.

What ever i did never got me sweating, but that dialog just sure did get me all sweating. From that moment onwards i just walked and never looked at her!!!

P.S. : I’m thankful that she doesnt have the Tuss-Effect !!!

Blog Response to - If you can’t beat them, learn Kannada

There can’t be more than a handful of north-indians actually putting an effort to learn the language of the southies. If they are made to swear in the native language, or if they are forced to learn the native language then its only because they have forced it on themselves. So whats the big deal in Delhiites and Punjabis learning the local language. That’s not something to be hailed as their broadmindedness. But rather the result of their indifference and prejudice towards the southern states and their culture.

Lola Kutty in one of the episodes of Channel [V] I.Q. popped the question - Where is Kerala? Most of the answers were - ‘Somewhere in Tamil Nadu’. Now, how bad can it get. Civilized folks giving such a reply! That itself speaks about the apathy towards ‘Madarasis’. Ask an average office goer from south, the difference between a Punjabi and a Bihari, they would be witty enough to point out our Railway Minister and our PM.

Hindi is our National Language and folks from south did make an effort in learning the language. But i’m sorry, if they have a thick Malayali or Tamilian accent or if they add a ‘da’ to the end of every known question to man. Its utterly ridiculous to make fun of a person if he/she has an accent. You’re not British, you too have got a bloody crisp ‘d’, as in doe, doe-saa accent for ‘dosa’.

No language is enforced on anyone. Be polite to the hard earning auto-drivers and tell’em that you don’t know Kannada and they will help you. Rather than using your ‘decent-enough’ knowledge of the native language to get in and out of fights.

Hey wait a sec, lets talk about the cream of the industry, the IT world. You are taught to co-ordinate and collaborate towards a common goal. So lets all start to converse in English or rather Hinglish or Manglish or Tanglish. Down south an accent is not a big deal and nobody brags about it.

Scene 1 : One fine day, you are with your ‘good-english’ speaking northie friend and happen to meet a friend from your place. You speak to your friend in your tongue and the good northie samaritan aloo-paratha asks if you could make it in a common language. You and your friend struggle with the oddity of having to speak in a mixture of English+Hindi, just to make the other friend feel comfortable and not to make him feel like the odd one out.

Scene 2 : One fine evening, you join your good northie friend for a cup of tea. In walks his friend, they take off in hindi and you try to put the message across, the same way he did. 2 min into the conversation, your friend says, ‘Hey, you got a thick tamilian accent, its doe-saa and not dosha“.

Scene 3 : All four happen to meet at the same time. Northies take off in hindi and rambles on. You say a single line in your mother-tongue, Objection Your Honour!, ‘What are you guys talking about? All we can make out is pada-pada-pada-pada-pada-pada!!!’ or even worse ‘What are you guys talking about? All we can make out is - idly vada idly vada idly vada’

Now why is there such a sick behavior. Its not that we don’t know your language. Trust me down south 80% of the people in cities that you happen to come to, know Hindi, to a level that they follow you even if you are a Bihari or a Delhiite. Even still they simply choose to ignore as they feel, you come down south and ridicule them for what they are.

Bangalore would have been a truly international city, if the people who landed here could have given a little consideration to the local culture and people and rather not treat them as trash.

(Cross-posted here)

This one is a general intro to blogging. Its the same one that i did at Wipro but with modifications.

I have the Calvin and Hobbes theme for this one.

This is the Blogging for Business slides. Its Dilbert themed

A month away from blogging and all active online activity. There has to be some valid reasons, right!!!

Of lately i was going through some strategic, that’s right ’strategic’, changes in life. Both in my career and my personal life. No you dumb ass, i didn’t get married nor did i get engaged. Definitely i’m not having a break-up / patch-up nor did i find someone. Why does people have to think that “its that” when i tell them that i had some major personal life changes and i’m being responsible these days.

Career vise, i quit my previous employer and joined a BIG BIG BIG company. Currently working in a very cool environment, where they practically let you do anything. My kind of work. The confidentiality nature of the project that i’m working right now is such that, i have no idea what i’m doing… :). AND the best part, they gave me a T61p ThinkPad to work. Now that’s whats called super cool!!!!

Ok now on the personal life side - i bought a flat in Bangalore. Ok, close your mouth, its not something to eat. Why cant a guy with ‘0′ savings buy a flat. So soon, within a 2 month time, i’ll be moving into my new adobe. All are welcome to party anytime. Already the booking list is out-of-bounds.

In other news… i’ll be flying to delhi on the 26th of this month. I’ll be talking about blogging and its business side at Birla Institute of Management and Technology, Noida, as part of Mutiny’s evangelism initiative. If any of you BIMTECH-ers are listening, i just started preparing the slides. 27th i’ll be in Delhi, roaming around with my friend Anina. So anyone from Delhi, other than Anina, who knows me (sorry i’m too bad at names and remembering where ppl are from) drop in a word we can meet for sure.

And i hope i can remain active online for quite some time now…

Bruce Almighty, the movie starts of with Bruce, a TV Reporter, asking an old woman, who owns a Patisserie -

“So tell us mama, why make Buffalo’s biggest cookie?”

“Well, man from the health department say he find rat pellet in store. I say no is big chocolate chip. So we close store down, clean up, and make big cookie for to bring back customers”

I see no difference in that and this -

Come June 17th and there is going to be this multitude of people from around the world, who are just going to download Mozilla Firefox v 3.0. Why? Just because they are attempting to set a world record on the maximum downloads of a single software in 24hrs. What a creative reason to set a record?

So what is so great about this download spree that the guys at Mozilla are hyping about? Does the people who download it get a free mug every day for the rest of their life? Or is it something like the spam mail, ‘If you dont download Fx in the next 24 hours, your system will be infected by a deadly strain of I love Fx virus!!!‘.Its all for the sake of a record and damn publicity!!!

I use Fx and its not that i wont be using 3.0. Its a great browser and i’m sure just like the way it has changed my browsing experience, it has done for millions. The plugin support is amazing. To download it on that particular day is a personal choice. I agree. But just because you like a piece of software doesnt mean that you need to join a drive just to download it.

The way i see it, is as a smart marketing strategy. If they are really as good at the cookie that they sold, then why do they need such a drive. If a product is good, people who use it becomes the biggest marketers for it. They spread the word and the number of people who are using it expands. Why does Fx3.0 need such a drive? Fx2.0 was brought in with a big bang. But it suffered as it began to eat up memory. A normal session of Fx2.0 with 3-4 tabs open is enough to consume 10s of MB of RAM.

Memory is cheap, i agree. But that doesn’t mean that an application can take up as much memory as it desires. I’m not too good at judging as to what is wrong. But can say that the memory management was poor in Fx2.0. At the time when Fx2.0 was released people with normal browsing habits found that the systems slogged badly, Windows and Linux alike. They opted to move out. Intermittent releases didn’t solve the version either. How annoying is it when you get a new version to download every couple of weeks?

Fx3.0 is hailed to be faster and secure. The Release Candidates a.k.a Beta are better than Fx2.0.

… As several of the linked posts below accurately reported, we’ve decided to add one more beta in order to make further improvements in the areas of polish, performance, memory, and overall quality … [from Mozilla: For the Record]

The question remains, are they still the same old Patisserie reopen by making a big cookie, after the Health Dpt. shut’em down?

What we do these days involves competition. No matter what. A a kid we race to the gate and back. As teens we race our bikes. As adults we race against time and colleagues. The time that we live in Competition is viewed as the source of creativity and self improvement. As a kid we are expected to be the top scorer in the class, not the smartest, as teens we are expected to be responsible but not creative and as the workforce we are expected to bring in profit and not innovation.

Why does competition has to be so bad? Slowly but steadily everyone starts to keeps expectations out of you and keeps reminding you about that. You fall victim to it losing your creativity. Its because we want to beat that record and get our names in there. We benchmark every thing everyday, we fall into The Curse of Great Expectation.

But what about creativity? If i have ever done anything that is creative or innovated an idea, its because i didn’t take part in a race. On the same grounds i hate taking exams too. Exams for me is again about breaking records and false derivatives. With time being most valued, exams seems to be the only way people want to find talents.

There is a trend with the organizations now. They are still competing and very much in the race. They do it in more ‘innovative’ ways. They ask you to just innovate and come up with some thing very brilliant. Even if you didn’t mean that to be part of any race or drive the race. Its used by the organization to outrun their competitor.

The human cost to win the organization’s race or the cost of health on onself is often disregarded. But what happens to those who stay out of the competition and decide to be .. uhh .. say free. They have immense potential to be creative and inventive. But why don’t they?.

The Society is stereotyped in believing that competing is the best way to progress. So much of the things that these so called ‘free birds’ innovate are considered inferior. They eventually gets into the race to survive or fall.

I knew of a person during my college days. He was this extra brilliant guy. There wasn’t much that he couldn’t answer about technology. Few professors realized his potential. But but the rest of the folks were unforgiving. Had the mentoring right he wouldn’t had to settle for a rather uhhh normal techie kind of job with an average company.

Its time we wake up to say no to the unwanted competitions around us.

I dont know much about B. S. Yeddyurappa. All i know is that he is a BJP state leader, going to lead a state for 4 years. I don’t know much about the Opposition too. I heard news that the Opposition JDS, double crossed him during their coalition tenure that ruled the state before the election.

I’ve been here in Techville for almost of my good age. I commute for almost 3 hours a day just to reach office and back home. I spent my day time in front of a monitor, working for some unknown foreigner. I call it the Modern Colonization. But who cares. The government says that the IT industry is bringing in huge foreign money.

I stay away from my family for most of the year. I earn 10 times compared to what my father earns. Still his savings are 100 times mine. I’m as ignorant about whats happening in this foreign state as i’m about the things happening in my family. Why? All i can do, if i ever manage to get back home after work, is to eat and sleep. Before anyone else wakes up in the morning i’m up and ready to catch the bus to office, which has been timed to avoid the peak traffic on the road. But still manages to be in the midst of traffic everyday.

So Mr. B. S. Yeddyurappa or rather Yeddy or BSY, as you should be hence forth called as reported by the morning-gossip paper, i have a request.

Your state is now on the map, not because its the Garden City (leave alone the gardens, there are no more trees left here), its because of young people like us. We put Techville a.k. Bangalore a.k.a Bengaluru (do u have any new names in store???) on the map. But what did the state give us?

We are mistreated by the Auto Army. Despite the hike in fares they still ask for a fortune. Mugged by locals. The new international Airport is a good 5hrs journey (approx the same time it takes for me to reach Coorg from where i stay). Petrol/Diesel prices are the highest in the country. Traffic is a mess.

I don’t expect you to make a difference to all these. But i expect a fair deal. I spent my youth and energy away from home, staying at a place that i thought i could call home. As a kid i was taught that all of India as a nation is one. I find prejudice against people here. I feel like i’m far from home.

I’m afraid to travel by bus or car as i don’t know when an accident can happen and the mob to burn the vehicle i’m traveling at.The Police sometimes only speak to you in their native language, if they know that you’re from out of town.

This is where i earn my daily bread and this is where i live. So is it too much for me to ask for better way for things. I add to the local diversity that is sometimes herald by the media. Why cant i just say Our State and not just Your State?

All said and all promises given, at the time of next election we shouldn’t be asking Yelli-ddyurappa???