I need reservation

Yes, I’m asking for reservation. That will be 33.333333 (add as many 3’s as you need).

No I haven’t changed my gender and I’m not planning to get into politics. But in a house, where you are the only male who has to survive against 2 women, trust me, you need reservation.

With Emma and her mommy at one side, it’s tough for me, Emma’s dad, to do things my way. My things, the stuff that I need were all relocated or packed away to make room for Emma’s and mommy’s things. Even my prized Arduino board, like the rest of the electronics stuff among other things have all been packed into boxes and cast away into an unknown place.

There is an ongoing fight to control the angular momentum of the fan. Even during these cool, pleasant Bangalore mornings, the fan has to be turned on. Forget the days when it’s cold. For some apparent, unexplained reason both mom and daughter have high body temperature that neither of their bodies are able to regulate or successfully cool down. That calls for the fan switch to be on and the poor dad to crawl under a thick blanket.

Yes, blanket and bed space, the other things that I need to fight for. I go to bed with my wife, and Emma happily and peacefully (we think so) asleep in her cradle. But at some random point in the night, my daughter magically appears in the bed between me and my wife. Now she needs to be under the blanket and needs bed space. By the time I had given her those, I’m left with a ¾inch X 2m piece of cloth to cover my body on a 1inch X 2m bed space for the rest of the night, trying to get some sleep before I freeze to death.

I wonder why they need the blanket and the fan at the same time. I guess I will never know.

There was a time when I used to come back from office, pick up my iPad and read through what had happened to the online world. Someone somewhere would have gone wrong on the Internet the past 24hrs and it would have made some interesting read. Well, the only place where I could read now is the loo. But I guess they found out about that and my days and numbered. Yes my wifey caught me re-tweeting when I was in the act.

The developments of the motoring world were closely followed before. But couple of nights back, when my friend told me that he was getting a Vento. I asked him, which car was that. His jaw dropped so hard and made what is now the pothole in front of Boca Grande restaurant in Koramangala.

Enough is enough! After being a part time cook, driver, maid and a full time ATM machine, this dad needs his space at home.

I need my rightful 33.3333333% reservation.

At Your Convenience

schedule clipart%20450x300 At Your Convenience

I’m quite sure that most of us has been in this situation and that you will concur with what i say here.

Picture this, your’re in conversation with another person. Let’s say a business partner, a colleague or a friend. At the end of the conversation both parties agree that they need to have a follow up conversation of what they were discussing. So, very politely, the other person, offers you the freedom of fixing a follow up meeting.

You’re free to choose the date and time of your convenience. Well that’s what the other person said, right? That being said, the rest of the conversation goes something like this.

“Ok, so how about Thurday 10AM”.

“Hmm.. Well i won’t be able to make it to office by 10. Let’s keep it at 11AM. Then again, if you can’t Thursday 10AM should be fine.”

Arrg! I don’t understand. They wanted us to schedule a meeting at our convenience and now we have to change it according to their convenience?

Am i missing something here? You tell me…

Free Hugs Campaign

This video never gets boring. The music is great and so is the video.

I first saw the video 3 years back. At around the same time the video, starring Juan Mann, became viral and was suspended based on piracy suspicion by YouTube. Sick Puppies, the band who made the song, was contacted and the genuinely of the video confirmed before the video was back on YouTube.

The ‘Free Hugs’ campaign spread to all other countries including India. Then A. R. Rahman comes out with the Jiya Se Jiya song and video. Anyone who has actually watched the video and the song would agree that both of it sucks big time!

Here i’m sharing this video again as it’s one of my favorite. Enjoy the video and let me know what you guys felt after watching it!

Wait Till It Becomes My Fault!

I love my wife! In many ways, to be precise. Living with her has changed my outlook towards life itself (possible oxymoron statement).

The first time she came to my apartment, i took her on a ‘tour’ of the place. We entered my bedroom and i decided to nag her by telling that, as a bachelor i was happy and lead a very comfortable life.

With she standing by me by the bedside, i had to prove my point. I told her, everyday i’d come home from work, take off my t-shirt and just toss it on the bed and i did the same right there – took off my t-shirt and tossed it on the bed.

She being very particular about keeping the place clean is a fact. But how the hell was i supposed to know that she had powers to bend the laws of physics like Neo or may be she would have been trained in some ancient Chinese martial arts form. All i saw in a flash was something moving beside me. Next thing i know is that my t-shirt never landed on the bed and there she was standing beside me with the t-shirt in her hand.

Like the Clint Eastwood character in the many western movies, she just said 2 words, “Not anymore!”, and i knew life was never going to be the same. (or rather i think i saw a cowboy hat, guns and boots and what she might have said was like – ‘Not anymore. Punk!’)

Off late, she blames me for what ever that goes wrong. And trust me when i say this – she blames me for everything, i mean everything.

There is water on the bathroom floor. Why? ‘Coz i didn’t wipe the floor. The closet is leaking. Its my fault because i didn’t fix it.

Now i have reached a point where anything that goes wrong is de-facto my fault!

Last night we decided to go to a discotheque. She was trying on the new denim skirt and ,lets just say it was my bad luck, she couldn’t fit in it as comfortably as she did when we had bought that almost a month back. Now that became my fault. How? Her arguments were so precisely formulated that i was defenseless. It goes like this –

Point 1 – Before marriage she could have easily fit into that skirt.

Point 2 – After marriage she is finding it tough to fit in that skirt.

Now what’s the reason? Obviously she married me. So its my fault that she couldn’t fit in the new skirt. The variable that defined whether she could fit into the skirt or not was defined by the wedding (yeah! even i didn’t see that coming over a skirt!)

Here is another situation as a closing note – She couldn’t wear the jewelry, as advertised now, because we married a bit too early before the new design came out. Now she is planning a re-marriage…

So the secret to our undying love for each other – i just wait for it to become my fault and i gladly accept it!

Post Marital Analysis

MG 0670 thumb Post Marital Analysis Well its been over two months since i got married, got settled in Bangalore and living, lets say a quite ‘comfortable’ life. The root cause of this post is because i have to constantly answer the rhetorical and tiring question from friends, relatives and family – ‘So how is life?’.

Well what do you want me to say? That my wife is a pain in my not so fat ass and that every time she offers me something i make the her have a portion of that, just to make sure that its not poisoned and that my life has become one living hell. OR Shower praises about her and talk endlessly about her goodness OR Would a simple ‘Ok!’ would do.

So what really is it like after 2 months. For one thing for sure, you can’t black mail me with stories of me and my ex-girlfriends. She has already gone through my stuff while i was not at home and the best part being she confessing all of it after getting drunk (now that’s the way to extract secrets out of her!)

One thing good is what has happened to my eating habits. There is breakfast, lunch and dinner without fail. Its been almost a month since i have stepped into the kitchen to make something for myself. The very first month itself i taught her the basics of cooking, and impressed her with my culinary skills. Now she is able to handle the kitchen all by herself. As i tell my friends, earlier i used to got to the kitchen and then make food, now the food comes to me! In short i have trained her!

Oh Wait!

Now i realize what has actually happened! After the first month and after she had mastered the ways of the ‘kitchen’ , i thought i had trained her to do what ever she liked. But now i realize that it was the other way round. One month, it was just one month that she listed to me and then did what ever i asked her to. These days she cooks dinner and says, ‘Honey! come for dinner’. At times she tells me what we need to do when we have some spare time. Oh my god, she has trained me without my knowledge into her pet.

.. wait .. she is saying something..

Oh, dinner is ready! I need to go.