Category Archives: Marriage

WTF List of Wedding Gifts!

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Wedding+Gift WTF List of Wedding Gifts!I’m not the marriage kind of guy, but even i’m pretty much sure about what is considered as cliche or lame for a wedding gift. But time and again i see people not even caring for what they want to give as gift. If you cant find a right gift, then better dont buy anything. Later, for sure, you can find one and gift the couple.

Here is my list of items that i think is lame and useless -

  1. Flowers – totally WTF!
  2. Wall clock – Totally lame
  3. Dinner Set – I have no clue why people gift this
  4. DVDs and CDs – Strict no no (i did the mistake and had to pay dearly)
  5. Teddy Bears – This aint a birthday party you bone head!
  6. Cushions – Yes i have seen people gifting wrapped up cushions.. WTWTF!!!

If you have a worse item. Feel free to add along…

Why you should and shouldnt get married early?

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Walking back home from work today, a friend of mine messaged me telling me about her plight. She goes on to say that she wont be marrying soon (reasons unknown) and eventually when she marries, she will be (in her own words) – ” married of to some geek for sure… all bald, fat buddas(old men)… 29, 30 years old “.

This made me wonder. Its not just her, its the problem with all women who are going to marry late. Since there was nothing else to think about, i thought about the situation from a guys perspective. After much thinking i realized that women who are marrying late and men who marry ( late / early / on time) are going to face this issue.

We all know that, every second person we meet has something to do with the software industry, so there is no escaping it. Hence i’m convinced that atleast 75% of us will face the following situation for once in their life and will be stuck there for ever.

For Women marrying late, as the situation above describes-

You will be married off to someone in the IT industry, who after 7-8 years in the industry is a Team Lead with 10-15 credit cards doing balance transfers, cant run up 10 flights of stairs as he is only used to sitting, burps at the table and doesnt know much about manners, picks his nose in public, cant speak anything like a normal person without using technical jargons, cant see his toes anymore and the only smalltalk that he can ever have is about tax slabs about which he wont be having any idea about

For guys its gets tougher  -

.. you’d be marrying a chick (hopefully), which is more or less like buying a new car – diminishing value and performance and looks getting outdated with time. Then when you see a new car on the road, the latest model, you wish it was yours. She will initially be a beauty and then turn into a blubber, putting on weight over the years as she doesnt have to look good anymore, she has trapped her prey. She’d have flabs over the years, which can supplement for cusions. Fashion will be kurtas with long slits that show off her enormous thighs. I’d have to be on top of her if i ever have to do her, else i’ll be crushed to death. She with the 2 kids (which you’ll have over time) will go blah blah blah blah every time you’re stuck in traffic, watching the finals, reading, sleeping ….

In short  – Wish you a Happy Married life!!! icon biggrin Why you should and shouldnt get married early?

Le mariage, C’était Parfait !!! (The Wedding, It was Perfect!!!)

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I’m not trying to be biased here, but the fact is it was one of the best weddings, yes weddings, i had been to in a long time. Such was the energy and the spirit that was there at the wedding of Sandil and Soumya. Myself and Harsha, we were at Sandy’s place on Sunday morning for the wedding. So here is a question what do you expect the techie groom to do on the day of his wedding?

  1. Start preparing for his big day
  2. feel tensed and go ‘pooopkeepsie‘
  3. Sleep
  4. Play counter-strike
  5. Blog
  6. Take a call from office

Well think no more, he started playing Counter-Strike. I got him the 32_aztecworld, fight-yard map and he was all into playing that at one point he turned to both of us and said – “Dude any day i’m ready to play Counter-Strike, and not get married!!”

That was all that we saw about the ‘chill dude’ for the next 2 days. By the time it was 3Pm, 3:30 was the Christian wedding, our dude of the day had already started sweating and was looking a bit tensed He kept his cool through the wedding-part-1 and was done with the whole ceremony. The bride and groom parted for the day, to meet again for wedding-part-2 at the temple, the next day.

wedding 1 Le mariage, Cétait Parfait !!! (The Wedding, It was Perfect!!!)

Interestingly when we reached home, i was parking his car, the security guy comes up to me and asks – “Sir, shaadi keliye gaya, aur ladki leke nahi aaya?” (“He went for his wedding, but he didnt bring the bride along”). It took me quite sometime to explain it to the watchman that they were having 2 weddings.. icon biggrin Le mariage, Cétait Parfait !!! (The Wedding, It was Perfect!!!)

Now there are certain scenarios for which social networking sites arent really built to handle. Just like the one Sandy had, after the first day’s wedding, he came back and updates his Orkut status as – Married. But he really was looking for something like – Semi-Married / 50%Married / Married 1/2 – kind of status. Orkut Büyükkökten, are you listening.

The next day, Wedding Part 2, i get up at 6AM to find our groom up and doing something on his laptop. I wish him a ‘Good Morning’ and in comes an “ah ‘morning”, as reply. I step in closer and i wasn’t expecting what i saw – he was playing 32_aztecworld at 6 in the morning. He was stressed to the karmic senses, i guess. Finally we were all ready and out of his place and at the temple at 7:30AM. After breakfast, lunch and a marathon of a wedding, we all reach back at Sandy’s place with Soumya.

wedding 2 Le mariage, Cétait Parfait !!! (The Wedding, It was Perfect!!!)

Things didn’t quite get over for that poor chap.

Once he reached his home with Soumya, his cousins had barred the door from outside and his aunts barred the door from inside and demanded money to let them in. He shelled out 2.5k there. No it wasn’t quite over, after that Soumya’s cousins demanded ransom to let her go. There goes 2.5k again. No it didn’t quite get over. His uncle, aunts and cousins locked his room and demanded more money. The negotiations went on for 2 hrs, at the end, again he had to shell out 5k to get the keys.

In the end it was one fun filled wedding and a perfect one too… Wishing them all the happiness…

(Photo Courtesy : Esha – Sandy’s cousin)

P.S. – Harsha – is a common friend of Sandy and me. He came from Hyderabad to Bangalore for Sandy’s wedding. He is a techie, who left his job to pursue his interest in photography. More of his works can be seen at – The Brain Chimney. Infact i’m waiting for Harsha’s 6GB of snaps he took for the wedding. He made the professional photographers make a run for their money, with his photographic techniques. icon biggrin Le mariage, Cétait Parfait !!! (The Wedding, It was Perfect!!!)

Son parfait, l’amour… (Its perfect, the love…)

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I wonder if its the cool breeze on a summer day or the first drops of rain kissing the warm soil, that makes things seem so perfect, so divine, that no polaroid can ever capture them. Like pieces of a perfect puzzle, it all blends together to give all of it a touch of Midas. Then there is something innocent like a baby, unreasoned like the tempestuous seas – Love. That sums up all of it.

They met, she denied, he pursued, she succumbed to his unfaltering love and now they stand at the corridor, together taking the next big step.

My sweet-heart, my friend who never fails to kick my butt, simply coz she loves to do it, Soumya, is getting married to, My best friend, my brother-from-another-mother, Sandy a.k.a 2s as we all know him.

So guys gear up, its happening soon… get ready for the wedding… icon wink Son parfait, lamour... (Its perfect, the love...)

san somu Son parfait, lamour... (Its perfect, the love...)

Wishing ‘em the best of everything…

Their dearest,

xxx Joey..

N.B :  No, the venue wont be Legends of Rock

How/When did she say ‘Yes’? : Obviously after coming to know that he is friend of yours truly and after he got down on his knees and proposed to her with a diamond ring, in front of friends and strangers in the busy, crowded, romantic Take-5.

Wedding Bells!!! Uhh What? Where’s my BFG?

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(Still wondering what a BFG is? read on…)

I was there, standing at a railway crossing. I can walk across the rails and go ahead on the road, on my way, where ever it can take me. But, No! I park my bike and start walking on the railway line. Minutes and hours pass by. I come across green meadows, houses, hills; it was a timeless journey. No thirst, no hunger, no pain, nothing. It was me, the railway line and the view. I don’t know how far i was walking. The sun was there shining high up in the sky. He never moved. I was lost in my thoughts.

It has been quite sometime that I’ve started hearing some strange sounds. It sounded like the ringing bell of an old steam-locomotive. Ting…. Ting…. Ting….

I was high on my spirits. After a long walk, i have a train to go forward. This was like the ultimate dream. Or am i dreaming? I stop to turn around. What the…. my legs are glued to the ground. I cant move!!!. I was struggling like hell to free myself. Behind me i could see the dust and smoke rising up in the horizon. What ever it may be, the dream was just about to turn ugly. My heart’s beating a 1000 beats per minute.

I look behind. I see a shining far behind. Its small, its fast and its coming my way. I’m struggling like hell. I hear the bell ringing even closer. I turn behind… What the #$#%^&^(*(&)(*_)… a pandit with neatly shaved head, big pony tail flying behind him, ringing his bell with one hand and a ‘portable’-fireplace (might be some new 21st century invention).. running towards me. What on heaven’s sake is that?

“Son”, holy crap!!! its my dad, standing to my right.

“What… How… Why…”

“Son”, jeeezzzz, its my mom, standing to my left.

“What… What are you guys doing here?”

“Tie the knot my son!!!”, they both say that with absolute precision that can even leave the most meticulously synchronized systems to shame.

“Tie what?”, i look in front of me and i almost faint. I’m holding a ‘mangalsuthru’ and there is this girl standing in front of me. I don’t know jack shit about her. Is this a right time to at least ask her name?. What am i doing …

Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting …….

I was still sweating and breathing heavily as i jumped out of my bed. Checked around me and all round my flat just to make sure that i didn’t really wake up after my first-night… or worse 20 years after my marriage. So why do i get the feeling that this is what is going to happen to me????

Parental-pressure is high! By parental-pressure i mean damn crazy pressure that can cause you to go sleepless for days at end. If i thought that could only be the only one which can cause unrest in my serene life, i was wrong. There was… No… there IS a far more greater pressure that will eventually get happy bachelors to get married. Its scientifically called Peer-Pressure a.k.a Friends.

Celibacy is not my way of life. But Yes, face it! Its your FRIENDS who will eventually get you married. They will all be there. They are the greatest treasure that u can have. Even long after you are gone, you will live within your friends. ‘Gone’ as in not like you are dead. ‘Gone’ as in, you go on-site and they will still talk about you as, ‘Kaminaa Saala!!! On-site se kuch nahi leke aayega. Fakeeerrrr…’. You live now, not after you’re dead.

They are there. But have you ever though about what happens when they all eventually face the running-pandit, gets run over by him, never gets a chance to wake up and lives the ‘dream’. Oops you’re in trouble.

They all get married and start their family. They no longer enjoy the jokes that you shared. Even worse they even reach a point where they tell you, “Dude don’t talk about all that, she doesn’t like all that”. Worse still, his wife hates you and more worse, her husband starts having feelings for you.

Oops! your friend will change. They all change eventually and you are left alone. You just cant go and make more friends because, the ‘make-great-friends’ list gets shorter with age. Soon you will find yourself without the great friends that you used to hand out with, no new friends and you are being treated like an adult where ever you go. And i believe the later stage is definitely not where i want to find myself at.

So now there is even more pressure on you to get married…

Whats that… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting… Where is that BFG (Big Fucking Gun), i’m gonna kill that pandit…

WTF… its full platoon of relatives and friends marching towards me. Dad and Mom holding a garland each, friends with kids and its then i realize that the pandit was just a side-kick.

I just stand there like a scapegoat as they dance around me… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting…