Lost in Translation...

15th

Dec-2008

How do I know you…?

Jerry Posted in Advice, Entertainment, Fun, Life, ME, Town & City Life, stupidity No Comments »

She pinged me on one of the most laziest days of my life …

She asked - “Hi!!! How do i know you???”

For which i had no answer, Lord Google didn’t help, The Order of Orkut didnt help, staring at her photo for 10 min, doing a simultaneous name-to-face search and facial-recognition program on the reels of life gave “No Match Found”.

Getting ready to make a complete ‘rear-end’ out of myself, i told her “I don’t know”. She surprised me by greeting ‘G’d morning’ when it was half-an-hour past 3 in the noon and made me look like an idiot when she answered “Working for a project” to my question of “What are you doing in office on a Sunday?”. Made me think if she was was bitten by a well known Libran.

Whom so ever said, one cant beg on his knees on a chat, you now look like an absolute blossomed bottom!!! I forfeit if it was a game she was playing on me. For a person, looking so cute in her photos, to chat with a stranger for so long, proved to be quite mysterious. She vowed she had no clue.

She left me clue less, high and dry on chat. All i know is that she will be at the same location where my business travel is taking me to…

(P.S. - I did make a complete ass out of myself while chatting to her and in fact she stopped chatting after 30min. A personal best !!!)

Piece of advise : dont chat with anyone when you are drowsy, hungry, tired, lazy and have tasty food by your side .. :D


30th

Oct-2008

Writer’s Block : WTF !!!! Fuck it, I’m back

Jerry Posted in Advice, Blogging, Celebrations, Computer and Internet, Cultures, Entertainment, Freedom, Friends Blogging, Fun, Geekiness, Life, Love, ME, Thoughts, Town & City Life, blog, friends, stupidity No Comments »

 Writers Block : WTF !!!! Fuck it, Im backI was there. It didn’t feel great.

I was scared, i was lost, i was wandering in the dark.

I hit the Writer’s Block.

Trust me its a damn scary place. Felt good when i reached there, mainly due to the fact that i was busy at work and i was in no way even getting time to pee. Forced into the dark the force grew weaker in me. Two days back i faced the bitter reality that i had hit the block, i shouldn’t have taken the left turn at the T-junction at the dead-end, for what joy?, i have no idea.

Goddess Wikipedia (a.k.a. Goddess Saraswathi in Hindu Mythology), describes Writer’s Block as :

Writer’s block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.

Naah!!! Nothing of these caused my condition. I had inspiration(lots of it) and i had lots to write but i didn’t. Why? I needed a reason and today i have a reason to write. Breaking the door, like Rajani, i’m out with the reason i needed (I wish it was more like a girl that i walked out with).

20th Sept, 15th Oct and this one on the 30th of Oct, that was the frequency of my posts in the last 2 months.

Looking back i ponder what made me stop, was it the work or was it something more noir. Yes, work was one of the reasons, undeniably. 20+ hrs of working on a single day, my friends began referring me as IBM’s bitch. Getting adjusted to the new life was one definite factor. But when i search deep it was something more than that. One that pains me still, tried shrugging it off, but couldn’t, it still lingers in the darkest thoughts. It can be described as one that is scariest for a writer. I was never credited for something that i wrote. Even my closest friends didnt acknowledge the fact that it was me. Bang! i got a “500 Internal Server Error” when i was expecting a “200 OK” with “Connection: Keep-Alive”.

Any way its all behind me, and i at least think that i’m back.

BTW my lingo has now been reduced into the results of an aftermath of heavy AS2/AS3 testing, with heavy dosage of XML and Development team that doesnt consent to bugs.

Taken this opportunity, if u would like anyone who is coming across this post to share, what made them hit writer’s block and how they did eventually overcome it….

:)


19th

Sep-2008

Girls : A Language Hazard at the Gym

Jerry Posted in Attitude, Entertainment, Freedom, Life, ME, Report, Town & City Life, fiction, reading, stupidity 5 Comments »

I haven’t been much of a sports person all my life. But i was fit enough to play a match of cricket or a game of basketball. Of late the techie job that i have and my kind of lifestyle started to take a toll on my health. Following my employer’s motto, i ‘THINK’ and i IDEATE but i also took on the activity of IDLE-ating.

How bad did i get? Remember the movie Ice Age and the character Sid. He makes a portrait of himself on the rock and Diego draws a circle around his belly. Ya i started to look like that. Though more in a human form.

2 days back, a head rush or rather a knee jerk decision found me going up to the watchman and asking him the keys to the Gym, at my apartment.

Got into my room, changed and headed to the gym on the terrace. Most of the people are too lazy and more over since it was 7:30 in the evening, i didn’t expect any one to be there at the gym. As i neared i could make out that someone was using the thread-mill.

But Who?

OMG! A girl. And not bad .. she’s hot!!! Now its more of a challenge to me. My right-side of the brain telling my left-leg to step forward and enter the gym. At the same time my left-side of the brain ordering the right-leg to turn back. In that split second i almost did a 180 deg split, like Bruce Lee.

Snap! and i’m in the gym. I’m all too serious now. Kept the keys and the mobile by the window. Looked at her and said a ‘Hi’ and introduced myself. Hmmm.. she is smart. Doing her 2nd year BSc Computer Science at Christ College. And she answers to “Manisha”.

C’mon tiger! You can do it. Be cool. Do what you are here for. Ask her for a date! No No .. Do the damn exercise. If not, you will eventually look like Sid. Then even if you are migrating to avoid the Ice Age you wont even be half as lucky as Sid. Your story will end at the hands of the Rhinos.”

Ok, straight away, for the dumbbells. Hmm 10Kg, lifted it.. naah too heavy. Ahhh, 5Kg, i picked one in each hand. In any given situation people will lift the dumbbell one at time, bottom-up, pumping their biceps. I didn’t.

May be because i was praying to God not to mess up and may be that Jesus decided to play a prank with me, i did the worst thing ever. I lifted them shoulder height with my arms stretched out to the sides. Yes, Jesus got me crucified in a dumbbell situation. And the 30 year old crucified virgin started having fun with me. I began bringing them both forward and then back all in an arm stretched situation. I began clapping with 5Kg dumbbells. I only clapped twice, had to keep them back as i realized it would be a nice time to put’em back.

After that i did ask her some thing and we did talk for like 10 sec. But i was too fucked with what i did, i just cant remember.

Well by that time she was done with the thread-mill. I thought, ok now its time to show her what i can do on a thread mill. I will just run till she leaves.My eyes just popped out when i saw that she was running for 30min flat. So, lets just walk on the thread-mill.

Noooo! she just got the mat and is about to do something lying on the floor. What do i ask her? What do i ask her? Wait my mobile is still near the window. I will ask her to get hat for me and i can thanks her for that…

“Excuse me! Can you please get me my mobile… Its there near the window”

“Sure”, she promptly gets me my mobile… Mobile you lucky bastard.

I take the mobile from her, still walking very proudly on the thread-mill, keeps it in the holder, which was looking more like a bottle holder and then revert

“Sorry, Thank You, I’m “.

She just smiles and walks away.

What ever i did never got me sweating, but that dialog just sure did get me all sweating. From that moment onwards i just walked and never looked at her!!!

P.S. : I’m thankful that she doesnt have the Tuss-Effect !!!


13th

Jun-2008

“Shut Up and Drive”

Jerry Posted in Blogging, Celebrations, Friends Blogging, Fun, Men, Rubbish, Sexs, Thoughts, Town & City Life, Women, friends, stupidity 3 Comments »

Shut Up and Drive!

courtesy hexium.


11th

Jun-2008

To CANCEL a Connection…

Jerry Posted in Advice, Computer and Internet, Nation, Rubbish, Town & City Life, stupidity 3 Comments »

Reliance CommunicationsTake my advice.

If u don’t have a Reliance connection phone/datacard or anything similar don’t take it.

And if by chance and you had to take it. Don’t think of Canceling it!!!

Why? Hear my story :

It was during Barcamp Banaglore 5, that i had discontinued the Tata Indicom Broadband connection as their service was shity. YES damn SHIT!!!.

My thoughts went like this - i have a laptop so why don’t i go for mobility. Let me take the the Reliance NetConnect connection. The data card looks good and works out of USB plus their tariff plan is also good.Finally at an unfortunate moment i took that connection.

Is there a word in the dictionary that describes worse than ’shity’? Even ‘ultra-f***king-shit-able’ doesn’t properly suffice. It disconnects if i try to check Gmail and connect to GTalk at the same time.

So i decided, after 2 months, enough is enough - cancel the connection. Filled all the forms, submitted the application, paid the outstanding amount and answered two rounds of dumb feedback calls.

Q : Sir, why did you cancel the connection?

A : The Service is BAD.

Q : Why sir?

A : Its Shitty!!! (how the hell am i supposed to know why its BAD. You should be knowing it)

When i thought all was done, in comes a bill at my door step, the next month. Dialed the customer care, told them the scenario. Thought it could be a genuine mistake. WRONG!!! In comes another bill the next month and the next and this month too.

After that a wave of calls inĀ  Hindi, Kannada and English asking me to pay the bill. Still the woes continue and the bill amount keeps on adding every month :(

cm_message To CANCEL a Connection...

Nothing helps. Complaints at customer care doesn’t help, blasting them for calling me doesn’t help, pleading doesn’t help….

PLEASE DON’T EVER TAKE A RELIANCE CONNECTION

Yes!! Mr. Anil you’re having a very sustainable and rewarding relation with ME.


18th

Apr-2008

Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity

Jerry Posted in Cricket, Crime, Entertainment, ICL, IPL, India, Nation, Rubbish, Sport, Town & City Life, Twenty20, stupidity 2 Comments »

200px-Ipl_logo_new Indian Premier League, The Commercialized MonstrosityI have nothing against cricket as a sport. But the way it is over commercialized is what i hate. And for that reasons IPL or the Indian Premier League.

Cricket is getting an unwanted publicity in India and this is not the way it is. But sadly it is. Having cricket matches are fine, but letting them spend billions just for a game, is that ever justified? But why billions, that too in a country when an average man is struggling to make his ends meet.

Ads, campaigns, publicity stunts. Do we need all these? Does the real spirit of the game still exist under such monstrosity? They play the game. Get paid handsomely and goes home. What happens to the poor common man who came to watch the matches and the others alike? The game is generating the wrong kind of passion among fans and followers. The sooner we realize this we can save the game and the future of the other games as well.

Already people have started to experience the headaches of IPL. Right now as i type, people are complaining that there is a huge traffic at MG Road, Bangalore, close to the stadium where the match is underway. IPL site is down too(good). The only good thing about the whole IPL match is that, my manager has left early for the day and now i can sit and blog for the rest of the evening. The whole office looks very much deserted.

Will IPL ever pay for the loss in business and damages. The people who ‘owns’ the team has already confirmed that they are in loss. Huge loss in money, time, business and rest of the balance sheet will follow soon.

Why couldnt they just support the ICL? Not to mention the ICL finals was as gripping as the T20 Finals.

chennai_lg Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity deccan_kg Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity del_dd_lg Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrositykol_kr_lg Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity kxip_lg Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity mum_ind_lg Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity raj_logo Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity rc_lg Indian Premier League, The Commercialized Monstrosity The comedy never ends …


14th

Feb-2008

Valentine’s Day Contemplations

Jerry Posted in Advice, Celebrations, Computer and Internet, Cultures, Entertainment, Freedom, Fun, Gender, Life, Love, Men, Sexs, Violence, War, Women, friends, stupidity, terrorism, work 11 Comments »

“You don’t have to get me a red-rose. I’m already yours!!!”, well i still don’t know if that was a trick question or not that she threw at me. All i asked her, “Shall i give you a red-rose?”

Or rather i wasn’t supposed to ask anything like that. May be it was stupid cupid playing the role of the culprit. How the hell would i ever know what she meant? Cant they just ask us what they want rather than using virtual pointers. We run Java, pointers are not an option and why else do you think we date so many and never result in garbled memory. The core is never dumped.(2 years with IT industry this is all that i have left in my mind)

Sandy had said it the right way,

“And they say, love makes the world go round.
It sure does, in damned circles of nothingness.”

Inspired from Love and his post on Nothingness, came my two posts Second in Love and Second in Love - The Closure, two close to reality stories. 3 in fact!

Trust me “Guys who are Single”, the world will be mean to you, but once SHE is there in your life, your life can never get meaner. Jokes apart they do bring in a sense of orderliness if your really serious. I have seen that in people. They change overnight. Power of Love, they say, Power of HER i say.

Some people really live their life out on LOVE. They forget that they have a life that’s precious and they forget it. All the sweet words that you might have said and those moments that you cherished are all good. But once you break-up, you need to move on. Kambath Ishq, is to be blamed? No dude. Its you at blame’s end. Move on!!!

GUYs never ever on a very special day, especially on this day, tell her that you will get food from outside. You can never be convincing enough and wont sound sweet to her at all. Trust me all that She would hear would be, “I cant eat the carp that you prepare everyday! I need a break at least today. So lets eat outside”. Let her to decide. Its the safest bet. Watch “Pyaar Ke Side-Effects”, its a nice start for beginners.

As a parting gift, here is my 2 cents - Never trust someone who says, “I cant live without YOU! You’re my life”. Thats the biggest lie in the world.

And with all these said, I wonder why i’m still here in office on Valentine Day’s eve, working. She hasn’t called either. He phone is not reachable too…

(This post is now abruptly stopped. There has been a Fire Alarm at my office and Its a fake!!! Somebody got too steamy in love on V-Day i guess.;) )


6th

Dec-2007

Just Do It …

Jerry Posted in Fun, stupidity, trying-out-humor No Comments »

You walk into office and see this on a t-shirt worn by a colleague..

jdt Just Do It ...

I have no further comments … :)


28th

Dec-2006

My WISH List for 2007

Jerry Posted in Celebrations, Fun, Life, Love, ME, family, festival, friends, stupidity 1 Comment »

Happy_New_Year My WISH List for 2007
Quite amazing that .. i’m not feeling like to write …

So now that the new year is around… i have my things i want for 2007. May be Santa was quite busy during Xmas.. he might fulfill my wishes as this is an off season …

  • get a real good hike in my salary and i’m able to manage the money efficiently ..
  • there is this girl i’m having a crush lately and it has started to bug me a little bit… may she fall in love with me …
  • i’m recognised every where
  • may those buggers no longer bug me… :) ..If they still do.. let me have the power to give them hell

i”m not competing for any personality contest… so this is my wish list… small but quite huge


24th

Oct-2006

How Do I Live Without You

Jerry Posted in Life, Love, ME, Thoughts, family, stupidity No Comments »

This is one of my fav songs … all time fav
Leann Rimes - How Do I Live Without You

How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You’re my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There’d be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There’d be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don’t know what I would do,
I’d be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?

If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don’t you know that you’re everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?