Sanity Insanity and Moi

Its a beautiful Monday morning … YAWN!!!!!!!!

I dont want to talk about Monday mornings. Like all other Monday mornings, today i was late to get up, slept through the ‘wake-up’ time.

Today i found something that was my time-pass to the way to office in the morning. With all the damned jams and slow moving traffic, these were real amusing…

• An auto that had no inch left to be decorated with multi-colored stickers, looked like a Pharaoh’s 21st century ride
• Every damn guys is late and its jammed
• The chick behind the bike always looks cute on a Monday morning and her beauty-quotient drops as we move to Friday
• This applies to all the days - 80% of chicks riding a 2-wheeler wear a jacket with either/both the shades of Blue / Red. Its like their universal code.
• On any given working day, the average body area of a lady covered with clothes, scarfs, helmet etc. etc. beats that of a lady from Taliban lead Afghanistan.
• The BMTC bus jams the road at exactly the same spot every Monday

and i’m always half crazy on Mondays…

(This post was done on August 19, 2008 at 1:35 am, which is a Tuesday…)

There is this guy with whom i share my apartment with. He is trying his level best to ‘bell the CAT’ and get through at one of the top B-Schools.

I remember the days when he used to read The Toyota Way, The Google Way, about Virgin Corp.. Then i saw one day that he has shifted his interest to more religious things like reading 100 Great Christians. Then shifted to Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist.

I dont know what happened in his life, but the last time i walked into his room this is what i see

He is reading about AIDS…

(i have started looking for a new apartment)

Déjà vu!!!

Woke up in cold sweat.

It was still dark. No! i couldn’t open my eyes. The lids, they simply refused to budge.

My head was feeling heavy, pain running across in all direction. The feeling like some one drove a drill bit from behind. The pain was killing.

Breathing was heavy and obstructed. I had to struggle for each and every intake. The breath was more ready to leave my lung cavity than they wanted to stay in. It was a struggle to stay conscious.

It took some time for me to come to a sense close to normal. I was grunting like an old steam engine, ready to leave the platform. Every bit of muscle was put into action to move a finger.

Jolts of pain shot up in all direction. Legs!!! Couldn’t even sense them! Amputated? Paralyzed? Senses were of no use to conclude.

Arms were numb, they were drained of blood.

I lay there, just let the time pass.

5… 10… 15… i don’t know how much time i lay there in and out of consciousness, contemplating what had happened.

As time went by i knew, i was resting my body on a mattress. Through the crack in the opening of my eyes i could see blades going round and round above me, making the feeling of the cold sweat prominent.

I could make out that i was lying in that state for quite some time. I need to move and figure out what happened. How did i end up like that? I didn’t drink the last day. I came back directly from office. Remember having dinner with her. Was it HER who did this to me? She is too sweet to even hurt me by words. A Voice echoed at the back of my head, “That’s what they say about all those Bi**hes!!!”

No!! She can’t do this to me!!! No!!! Never!!!

…aaarrghhhh … i was out again… don’t know how long it was!!!

Could hear a familiar sound. What is it? Its sounds like a song, a melody? No! Its clear now, its something i have hated over the years. My Alarm!!!

Could finally reach out and turn it off and re coiled to the earlier position. What i’m in my own room!!!

Struggled to reach my mobile … Got it!!!… dialed … its ringing !!!

A voice answered from the other side, “Hello Jerry!!!”…

“I can’t come to office today!!!”

“What happened???”

“I think i have a bad cold!!!”

“Fine!!! Take rest and be back tomorrow…”

My Manager’s voice never sounded so sweet to me … Sweeter than her voice!!!

I love this FEVER!!!

I was out playing basketball after .. lets say its been quite some time. The last time i played actively was an year or so or may be more than that.

I finally decided, enough of sitting around and hogging trying to put on weight. I head out to the court. I bitterly learn 2 things.

1. I was not having a good diet all this time. It was all filled with cheese, chocolate and junk food. I was on a desperate move to put on weight. I need to have a more balanced diet.

2. Never wear your favorite white shirt to the court. Ya i agree that was really dumb of me. But i had to learn it the bitter way.

10 min of running on a 5-point, half-court match and man i’m out of breath and i almost felt like fainting and throwing up. Thats it. New year is long gone but my resolution this year(as of now) is to stay fit and healthy. After all its not me alone that i have to think of now. There is a new addition too …

Off lately i devoted my procrastinated time for some script writing for a skit that was supposed to be the part of the on going new year celebration at my office. i have no idea what made take up the task and what the organizers were thinking when they gave it to me. They wanted a Court scene, not the ‘barrister kind’ of court but with king and queen and having some technical dialogs added to it to make it funny. Did they say ‘funny’. Right they have no idea that they just did.

So i finally got down to write. I complete the Initial scene and then i start writing

in a kingdom far far away called Bhool Bhulayya (i know thats a shitty name but i was more bend on having a script than names), there lived a king called Windows 3.1 and queen Linux (so now its technical too)
King (looks at a confused queen ) : dear why do u look like Brad Pitt who just saw Rakhi Sawant in his room
Queen (puzzled) : What?
King : He left the booty for the boobs and now he is seeing an all in one package and is confused.

At this point all writing stopped. I was thinking, if i have to have a decent script i shouldn’t be at least half myself. It shouldn’t contain profanity, more over it should have jokes that people can understand. The Brad Pitt - Rakhi Sawant joke only 2 out of 4 people laughed and 2 asked what does it men. But the 2 did laughed, that does matter. What can i say - Birds of the same feather flock together…

With the absence of a real story my script was not going any where. Then it stuck me, the best comedy is Life. I will write about the incidences that lead to the writing of a script by ME. Cool!!! Thats it.

So wait for the insainly absurd script that is now going to be staged

You walk into office and see this on a t-shirt worn by a colleague..

I have no further comments …

Innovation that doesn’t serve the purpose is like and over sized underwear; You have no other go but to wear it and you know you are comfortable without it.

Thats all that i have to say about the automated kiosks that have been installed by the city authorities of bangalore. Yes! its the Silicon Valley of India, where police check traffic violations using PDAs and common people no longer burns ordinary BMTC buses, but target Volvo buses. Apparently thats how they fight globalization.

Last night i went to the kiosk near my home to pay the water bill. Well if it was long queue in front of a ‘human operated pigeon hole kiosk’, i would have reached home earlier. It took me 10 min to make it accept each of the ten 100 bills that i had. Apparently it has an aversion towards money and even if its kind enough to accept the money, it would rather prefer an old bill than a new one.

If u may argue that the human factor is avoided and automation lets it run 24hrs. Hold on, i say! Apparently the then Hutch now Vodafone, introduced the same for billing systems. People were strugling to get the money in. So guess what they did? They posted a guy at that location, 2 guys in fact one for the morning and one for the night shift. At the end of the day, they end up paying 2 guys instead of one.

The only good thing about it is that if you want to make payment by cheque or with a credit card its faster. That means if u dont have a credit card, stay in the line for hours just to pay.

The fact is true that you can pay any time of the day, 7 days a week. But they just forgot the usability factor in that. Another loose underwear!!! The technology was supposed to kick ass, but it now kicks you balls and it hurts real bad.

I’m definitely not trying to bring up the whole controversy of the Sethu and the the proposed sea route ..
But this one is hilarious…

nice one Vikram

100s of mails celebrating India’s win. Every mail having the same set of Photos and the same lines and the same message.

But it was this one mail that caught my attention. The mail was just one line and it left me laughing

MISBAH THOUGHT HE WAS SENDING THE BALL TO A PLACE WHERE THERE WAS NO ONE.

HE DID NOT KNOW THAT THERE IS A MALAYALI* IN EVERY CORNER OF THE WORLD!!!

* Malayali is what people of Kerala is known as, after their mother tongue Malayalam.

Sreesanth who took the wicket is a Malayali.

Who doesnt love to be in the company of beautiful damsels? Well he has to be a homosexual or a ‘ball-less’ man. Considering atleast 95% of men does not fall into that category, i see no reason as to which one should disagree with my views.

The hips, the curves, the looks, everything has been made to perfection. You are left agape watching those whom you cant flirt with and you stretch the limits of flirting every time you get a chance to. Inadvertently while i’m accused by other competent males for being, well lets say a little more than an uber flirt, i enjoy every step that i go through to reach that goal of flirting. As one of my friends put it “Flirting is good for Health“.

Starting of by mere gandering, marking targets, then going on to make it a point that you purposely go to the place that you see them (the targets). Trying your best so that they notice you, then trying to throw a smile at them, getting ignored, again trying and then finally managing to get the first conversation with them.

Its all fun and each time a game of roulette. Losing and embarrassment in front of your friends, savoring the look on their face when they see you with the ‘catch’. Oh man!!!

Lately when i got assigned to the new project, i hit cloud 9 after all the new work environment was what i was looking for in all my professional career. The last team was like, camels staring at an oasis (not the best of my allegory), this one is like the theme of AXE ads, just that its all opposite.

I was starting to enjoy myself, especially after i found that the girl that i used to admire a lot, was sitting in the next cubicle. But not for long.Tragedy struck last day, when oil was spilled on my sunny lill’ private beach. The last of the hopes, the last of the fading glimmer was brutally taken .. no it was snatched away from me by the clutches of fate and misfortune.

I never though that Bad luck will play such an bad gimmick  with me. All the consonance in my life has been disturbed, every thing that i ever built has been changed by the vicissitudes of fortune. Under the guise of happiness i lost everything, the visage was a mere vision of illusion. - I will be shifted to a different wing.

Its a “bald-field” there, workaholics with a thousand hands tearing up the keyboards apart. Nooooooo