Of Autos, Buses, Cabs, Drivers etc.

Driving in India is a challenge. It doesn’t matter if you are driving in Kashmir or in Kanyakumari, it’s damn challenging. First, you have the roads or let’s say what’s left of the road and then the way the traffic finds it’s way on the roads.

Getting a license in India is easy. A little bit of monetary persuasion and the Dept. of Motor Vehicles will issue you one right away. Well this process of getting a license is the best way to find whether a person can drive or not. Just ask them casually, “Do you know how to drive?” If they reply, “I have a license” and if they ever happen to drive a vehicle, the one they are in and the ones on the road better be insured.

Even if you’re a good driver, the rest of the traffic on the road makes you feel like Mario trying to dodge the obstacles and reach the Princess. You have buses, cabs, autos, cows, dogs, IT Engineers, traffic police, regular police, women, children … and the list goes on and on.

Let’s take the buses and its drivers for instance. The drivers are good human beings when they are off duty. But once they are behind the wheels of those buses, they take driving a bit too personally. They start to consider the buses as an extension of their prostate. Once that thought gets into their mind, they just need to show off. They attack every gap in the traffic like they are in heat. You better watch out for them. If you ever see ‘em coming your way it’s always better to move out of their way. If not you’ll get screwed.

The cab guys are a bit different. They have regular sized prostate but with a huge ego. They will always approach you from the rear, honking. Then they try to get ahead of you. Once they are in front of you, they will be driving in the middle of the road like they need both the lanes. It doesn’t really matter what you do, they won’t budge.

Ohh the poor auto (tuk-tuk) drivers! It’s like they have the smallest. The problem with a small ‘ding-dong’ is that it comes along with a really really huge… err… ego! People like that just want to go around, screw anything that moves, just so that their inferior manhood is satisfied. This quite explains the manner in which they drive and ‘attack’ on road. A small gap to fit a finger is all that they need to drive through. Now what does that leave one with? Anger, frustration and road-rage!

You think, you have a car and can get even with a puny li’l auto. No you can’t. Pick a fight with one and in a moment there will be a hundred that you have to fend off. Remember, at the end of it they will make you feel that it was all your fault!

Enough of complaining about other drivers!

Have you given a though of how big your dick size is while driving? Just give it a thought! Remember that each time you think you have a bigger dick than the driver in the next vehicle; he too is thinking the same!

Drive safe!

Cars, Freeways and Pseudo-Tamilians

Day 2 and i’m doing pretty good in US of A. Petaluma is where i stay and it’s more or less a residential area. Very quite, beautiful and a killer of a climate that begs to be loved. 30mn of drive to where i’ll be working, 15mn to Wal-Mart and 10mn to the nearest Costco outlet. Period! that’s all you all need to know. Now let me tell you the best things that has happened after coming here.

Since i have a strong attraction to anything with an engine and 4-wheels as opposed to anything with a tight rear and 2-legs, i couldn’t help, but notice all the cars on the road. Most of them are Chevys, Toyotas and Hondas. But it’s not that i’m talking about. I’m talking about the modified Ford Mustang that is parked in front of my apartment, the Chevrolet Corvette C6 across the road, the BMW M3-s, M5-s and Z4 and the Audi R8. Yes, there are a few Pontiacs, Subarus and Buicks but who cares!.

The drive from the airport was even interesting. I happened to meet this cab driver Ronald. He’s Mexican and he knew Tamil! Yes i did get the shock of my life. He knew India pretty well. When i said i was from Alappey. He was like, ‘Oh! it’s the place with the houseboats etc. right!’. It seems like his next door neighbors are Tamilians and he has a big liking for Masala Dosas.

Being in the tropics, you tend to have fairly normal days – 6A.M. the Sun is out & 6P.M. the Sun is gone. So with the summer season just starting here i’m still getting used to the fact that days are going to be longer. Twilight sets in by 8P.M. and i think it’s 6P.M. It’s fairly cold with morning temperatures hovering around 12 degrees  and afternoon it hardly crossed 20 degrees. (Read all temperatures in Celsius).

Finally even after my 21hr flight, i didn’t get the in-famous jet-lag. Bad thing i’d never know how it feels like!

(pssst… i’ve located the nearest strip club in my area. don’t tell my wifey about it!)