Tag Archives: english

Please Translate!

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There aren’t many things that my wife asks me to do. But i still volunteer to do things that she doesn’t ask me to and bail out on ones that she wants my help on. So while talking to her today morning she said she and her mom were working on translating some work that her dad did, from English to Hindi.

Curiosity went north and i asked her to send the statement across -

A common Effluent Treatment Plant (ETP) that can be shared by more than one fish processing unit was developed that can recycle 3 lakh litres of effluents per day. Energy consumption by this plant is very little compared to conventional ETPs.

Now please translate this for me ..

P.S.  No Google Translated answers please

Girls : A Language Hazard at the Gym

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I haven’t been much of a sports person all my life. But i was fit enough to play a match of cricket or a game of basketball. Of late the techie job that i have and my kind of lifestyle started to take a toll on my health. Following my employer’s motto, i ‘THINK’ and i IDEATE but i also took on the activity of IDLE-ating.

How bad did i get? Remember the movie Ice Age and the character Sid. He makes a portrait of himself on the rock and Diego draws a circle around his belly. Ya i started to look like that. Though more in a human form.

2 days back, a head rush or rather a knee jerk decision found me going up to the watchman and asking him the keys to the Gym, at my apartment.

Got into my room, changed and headed to the gym on the terrace. Most of the people are too lazy and more over since it was 7:30 in the evening, i didn’t expect any one to be there at the gym. As i neared i could make out that someone was using the thread-mill.

But Who?

OMG! A girl. And not bad .. she’s hot!!! Now its more of a challenge to me. My right-side of the brain telling my left-leg to step forward and enter the gym. At the same time my left-side of the brain ordering the right-leg to turn back. In that split second i almost did a 180 deg split, like Bruce Lee.

Snap! and i’m in the gym. I’m all too serious now. Kept the keys and the mobile by the window. Looked at her and said a ‘Hi’ and introduced myself. Hmmm.. she is smart. Doing her 2nd year BSc Computer Science at Christ College. And she answers to “Manisha”.

“C’mon tiger! You can do it. Be cool. Do what you are here for. Ask her for a date! No No .. Do the damn exercise. If not, you will eventually look like Sid. Then even if you are migrating to avoid the Ice Age you wont even be half as lucky as Sid. Your story will end at the hands of the Rhinos.”

Ok, straight away, for the dumbbells. Hmm 10Kg, lifted it.. naah too heavy. Ahhh, 5Kg, i picked one in each hand. In any given situation people will lift the dumbbell one at time, bottom-up, pumping their biceps. I didn’t.

May be because i was praying to God not to mess up and may be that Jesus decided to play a prank with me, i did the worst thing ever. I lifted them shoulder height with my arms stretched out to the sides. Yes, Jesus got me crucified in a dumbbell situation. And the 30 year old crucified virgin started having fun with me. I began bringing them both forward and then back all in an arm stretched situation. I began clapping with 5Kg dumbbells. I only clapped twice, had to keep them back as i realized it would be a nice time to put’em back.

After that i did ask her some thing and we did talk for like 10 sec. But i was too fucked with what i did, i just cant remember.

Well by that time she was done with the thread-mill. I thought, ok now its time to show her what i can do on a thread mill. I will just run till she leaves.My eyes just popped out when i saw that she was running for 30min flat. So, lets just walk on the thread-mill.

Noooo! she just got the mat and is about to do something lying on the floor. What do i ask her? What do i ask her? Wait my mobile is still near the window. I will ask her to get hat for me and i can thanks her for that…

“Excuse me! Can you please get me my mobile… Its there near the window”

“Sure”, she promptly gets me my mobile… Mobile you lucky bastard.

I take the mobile from her, still walking very proudly on the thread-mill, keeps it in the holder, which was looking more like a bottle holder and then revert

“Sorry, Thank You, I’m “.

She just smiles and walks away.

What ever i did never got me sweating, but that dialog just sure did get me all sweating. From that moment onwards i just walked and never looked at her!!!

P.S. : I’m thankful that she doesnt have the Tuss-Effect !!!

If you can’t beat them, Mock’em

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Blog Response to – If you can’t beat them, learn Kannada

There can’t be more than a handful of north-indians actually putting an effort to learn the language of the southies. If they are made to swear in the native language, or if they are forced to learn the native language then its only because they have forced it on themselves. So whats the big deal in Delhiites and Punjabis learning the local language. That’s not something to be hailed as their broadmindedness. But rather the result of their indifference and prejudice towards the southern states and their culture.

Lola Kutty in one of the episodes of Channel [V] I.Q. popped the question – Where is Kerala? Most of the answers were – ‘Somewhere in Tamil Nadu’. Now, how bad can it get. Civilized folks giving such a reply! That itself speaks about the apathy towards ‘Madarasis’. Ask an average office goer from south, the difference between a Punjabi and a Bihari, they would be witty enough to point out our Railway Minister and our PM.

Hindi is our National Language and folks from south did make an effort in learning the language. But i’m sorry, if they have a thick Malayali or Tamilian accent or if they add a ‘da’ to the end of every known question to man. Its utterly ridiculous to make fun of a person if he/she has an accent. You’re not British, you too have got a bloody crisp ‘d’, as in doe, doe-saa accent for ‘dosa’.

No language is enforced on anyone. Be polite to the hard earning auto-drivers and tell’em that you don’t know Kannada and they will help you. Rather than using your ‘decent-enough’ knowledge of the native language to get in and out of fights.

Hey wait a sec, lets talk about the cream of the industry, the IT world. You are taught to co-ordinate and collaborate towards a common goal. So lets all start to converse in English or rather Hinglish or Manglish or Tanglish. Down south an accent is not a big deal and nobody brags about it.

Scene 1 : One fine day, you are with your ‘good-english’ speaking northie friend and happen to meet a friend from your place. You speak to your friend in your tongue and the good northie samaritan aloo-paratha asks if you could make it in a common language. You and your friend struggle with the oddity of having to speak in a mixture of English+Hindi, just to make the other friend feel comfortable and not to make him feel like the odd one out.

Scene 2 : One fine evening, you join your good northie friend for a cup of tea. In walks his friend, they take off in hindi and you try to put the message across, the same way he did. 2 min into the conversation, your friend says, ‘Hey, you got a thick tamilian accent, its doe-saa and not dosha“.

Scene 3 : All four happen to meet at the same time. Northies take off in hindi and rambles on. You say a single line in your mother-tongue, Objection Your Honour!, ‘What are you guys talking about? All we can make out is pada-pada-pada-pada-pada-pada!!!’ or even worse ‘What are you guys talking about? All we can make out is – idly vada idly vada idly vada’

Now why is there such a sick behavior. Its not that we don’t know your language. Trust me down south 80% of the people in cities that you happen to come to, know Hindi, to a level that they follow you even if you are a Bihari or a Delhiite. Even still they simply choose to ignore as they feel, you come down south and ridicule them for what they are.

Bangalore would have been a truly international city, if the people who landed here could have given a little consideration to the local culture and people and rather not treat them as trash.

(Cross-posted here)