Please Translate!

There aren’t many things that my wife asks me to do. But i still volunteer to do things that she doesn’t ask me to and bail out on ones that she wants my help on. So while talking to her today morning she said she and her mom were working on translating some work that her dad did, from English to Hindi.

Curiosity went north and i asked her to send the statement across -

A common Effluent Treatment Plant (ETP) that can be shared by more than one fish processing unit was developed that can recycle 3 lakh litres of effluents per day. Energy consumption by this plant is very little compared to conventional ETPs.

Now please translate this for me ..

P.S.  No Google Translated answers please

Watch ‘Kites’ just for Barbara!

Kites Official Poster Watch Kites just for Barbara!Kites was Anurag Basu-Rakesh Roshan team’s miserable attempt to make a highly melodramatic Hindi movie into something that resembled a Hollywood movie.

The movie is only worth the scenes where they show Barbara Mori and her tantalizing curves and smiles. Its sort of a disappointer if you’re a Hrithik Roshan fan. Remember Dhoom 2 and how Hrithik got the whole audience spell bound with his amazing moves and ‘acting’. This movie promises nothing. The only fast paced song in the movie looks like Saroj Khan’s version of B-boying gone horribly wrong!

So then one would wonder why it has got 86% ‘fresh’ rating at Rotten Tomatoes and the fact that almost all the critics have gone at length to praise this film bar a few. Did i write something just now that makes me look like a complete mental? I didn’t check my cynicism at the door when i went for the movie. In fact i never really had any. But i left the movie with two bags full!

The storyline for the movie, is one that has been written, re-written, taken and re-taken many times in Bollywood. Tweak the characters a bit here and there, redefine who is going to play the villain this time and rewrite the ending to be a bit too dramatic and we have a new Hindi movie.

The hero, J (god knows what his name in full is.might be Jackass) is a dance teacher and marries immigrant women to get them green cards (ya like officers in the US are dumb enough not to spot that). When the rich daughter of the villain falls for J, he decides to marry her for the money. But he then discovers that the lady who is marrying his brother-in-law was one of the ladies he had married for the green card thingie. Enter the heroin Natasha a.k.a Linda. Rest is predictable movie stuff. Chases, explosions that are very typical to Bollywood films, gun fires, a badly taken Mexican Stand-off, love scenes, sacrifices etc. etc.

I’m not saying that similar storyline has not been copied elsewhere. It has been. But they all try to add a little something that makes the movie worth watching. Road Trip and Euro Trip both revolve round the same story line. But the story develops in its own unique way in both the movies. Kites simply fail to do so.

Wait a second, on second thought, i really understand why Kites did well in the overseas market and not in India.

Imagine that you have been having dosas all through your life. You have had masala dosa, pain dosa, ghee dosa, egg dosa, plain dosa, paper dosa, ragi dosa, set dosa and even something called as the freaking American chopsuey dosa. To get rid of this, you decide to travel to the US to try new food items. Then one fine day your friend tells you that he has found out an excellent place where you get amazing lip-smacking food. You are elated and you cant wait to eat something else. You dream of all the new variety of food that you are about to taste. But much to your dismay your friend takes you to Dosa Plaza! How about that uhh? Now thats exactly how i felt when i saw the movie.

Now if you were originally from the US and had no idea how dosas taste like, you will for sure enjoy the dosa. If even you ordered a Mexican Roast Dosa (WTF!!!)

The only thing that the movie offers the audience is the perfect figure of Barbara Mori. (she has one of the best figures in the industry) and the enviable chemistry between her and Hrithik. As my wife put it as we left the theater, “what an amazing lust between the actors…”

For Barbara, who felt bad as the movie did bad in India, lets watch the movie….

For Barbara!

Top 10 Hindi Movies of 2009

I’m no film critic, but i sure can realize if a movie is worth the 3hrs in the theater. 2009 had seen its share of good and worse Hindi movies (the ones that i know about).

The year started of with Chandni Chowk To China, the movie that took slapstick comedy to even lower depths. It made me realize that the torture that i had to endure came close to the torture of watching a movie by a great South Indian Movie Hero 4 years ago.

But i have reasons to rejoice. The year is ending with 3 Idiots.

10 Worst Hindi movies of 2009

10. Chandni Chowk To China

9. 8 x 10 Tasveer

8. Aa Dekhen Zara

7. What’s Your Raashee?

6. London Dreams

5. Kambakkht Ishq

4. Jashnn

3. De Dana Dan

2. Luck

1. Dil Bole Hadippa!

[album: http://jerrymannel.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/dm-albums/dm-albums.php?currdir=/blog/wp-content/uploads/dm-albums/10 Worst Hindi Movies of 2009/]

10 Best Hindi Entertainers of 2009

Now these are the ones that i was happy about spending 3hrs watching the movie. They had some twist in them.

10. Quick Gun Murugun

9. Aloo Chaat

8. Delhi-6

7. Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year

6. New York

5. Love Aaj kal

4. Dev.D

3. Wake Up Sid

2. Kaminey

1. 3 Idiots

[album: http://jerrymannel.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/dm-albums/dm-albums.php?currdir=/blog/wp-content/uploads/dm-albums/10 Best Hindi Movies of 1009/]

Looking back at 2009, i’m a firm believer that the years to come we will see better hindi movies and some very great entertainers.

Wanted7 Top 10 Hindi Movies of 2009A special mention about the movie Wanted. I haven’t seen the movie. But the tamil version of that movie, Pokkiri, is one of my favorite. I will put it at zeroth position in the worst list if Wanted doesn’t do justice to Pokkiri.

Pokkiri poster Top 10 Hindi Movies of 2009

If you can’t beat them, Mock’em

Blog Response to – If you can’t beat them, learn Kannada

There can’t be more than a handful of north-indians actually putting an effort to learn the language of the southies. If they are made to swear in the native language, or if they are forced to learn the native language then its only because they have forced it on themselves. So whats the big deal in Delhiites and Punjabis learning the local language. That’s not something to be hailed as their broadmindedness. But rather the result of their indifference and prejudice towards the southern states and their culture.

Lola Kutty in one of the episodes of Channel [V] I.Q. popped the question – Where is Kerala? Most of the answers were – ‘Somewhere in Tamil Nadu’. Now, how bad can it get. Civilized folks giving such a reply! That itself speaks about the apathy towards ‘Madarasis’. Ask an average office goer from south, the difference between a Punjabi and a Bihari, they would be witty enough to point out our Railway Minister and our PM.

Hindi is our National Language and folks from south did make an effort in learning the language. But i’m sorry, if they have a thick Malayali or Tamilian accent or if they add a ‘da’ to the end of every known question to man. Its utterly ridiculous to make fun of a person if he/she has an accent. You’re not British, you too have got a bloody crisp ‘d’, as in doe, doe-saa accent for ‘dosa’.

No language is enforced on anyone. Be polite to the hard earning auto-drivers and tell’em that you don’t know Kannada and they will help you. Rather than using your ‘decent-enough’ knowledge of the native language to get in and out of fights.

Hey wait a sec, lets talk about the cream of the industry, the IT world. You are taught to co-ordinate and collaborate towards a common goal. So lets all start to converse in English or rather Hinglish or Manglish or Tanglish. Down south an accent is not a big deal and nobody brags about it.

Scene 1 : One fine day, you are with your ‘good-english’ speaking northie friend and happen to meet a friend from your place. You speak to your friend in your tongue and the good northie samaritan aloo-paratha asks if you could make it in a common language. You and your friend struggle with the oddity of having to speak in a mixture of English+Hindi, just to make the other friend feel comfortable and not to make him feel like the odd one out.

Scene 2 : One fine evening, you join your good northie friend for a cup of tea. In walks his friend, they take off in hindi and you try to put the message across, the same way he did. 2 min into the conversation, your friend says, ‘Hey, you got a thick tamilian accent, its doe-saa and not dosha“.

Scene 3 : All four happen to meet at the same time. Northies take off in hindi and rambles on. You say a single line in your mother-tongue, Objection Your Honour!, ‘What are you guys talking about? All we can make out is pada-pada-pada-pada-pada-pada!!!’ or even worse ‘What are you guys talking about? All we can make out is – idly vada idly vada idly vada’

Now why is there such a sick behavior. Its not that we don’t know your language. Trust me down south 80% of the people in cities that you happen to come to, know Hindi, to a level that they follow you even if you are a Bihari or a Delhiite. Even still they simply choose to ignore as they feel, you come down south and ridicule them for what they are.

Bangalore would have been a truly international city, if the people who landed here could have given a little consideration to the local culture and people and rather not treat them as trash.

(Cross-posted here)