There is no point in me saying – ‘most part of my life i have been a mallu’. It doesnt really make any sense. I’m a mallu and i’m damn proud of it. But over the last 4 years i have stayed more in the garden city (Bangalore, you jack-ass!!!), than at my home town Kayamkulam (we proudly say that we are from the place of Kerala’s most famed highwayman Kayamkulam Kochunni). So now i’m not a Kannadiga (yet), but has been away from home for quite long enough to notice the subtle things about my place, that i wouldnt have noticed otherwise.

1. The Beef Curry – If you are in Kerala, just drop into any of the road side hotels (as with all places, just look at the cleanliness part a bit before you settle down), order yourslef a plat of beef-curry or beef-fry with porota. Its one of the best combination of food and if have made the choice of place correct then 4 porota and a plate of hot beef-curry wont cost you more than 50bucks

2. Guys on bike – Ok here i’m talking about guys between 20-25 years. These jackasses dont know how to ride a bike and if i was here i would have ended up just like them. They start the bike, both feet are off the ground and its 10secs of front-wheel wobbling before they pick up speed and then later their balance. If anything fails in between then back to square one. They have been the biggest headache for me while driving.

3. KSRTC SuperFast Buses – The only thing red in the place other than the menacing CPM politicos are the state run public transport buses – The KSRTC. Starting their fleet from Ordinary, Ordinary Fast, Venad (white and blue), Limited Stop, Fast Passenger, Limited Stop Fast Passenger, Super Fast, Super Express (green in color) and the luxury Volvo (white). The best in line i say are the Super Fast buses. People prefer them for journey that lasts up to 6hrs because the buses make their own rules and the drivers, at any given point, are trying to do an F1 qualifier.

4. Auto Drivers in Trivandrum and Alappey – The best auto drivers are from Kozhikodu. That i dont know. But from what i know the best auto drivers are from Trivandrum and Alappey, they might ask for more, but ask them to go via meter, most of them will kindly oblige.

5. The choice of news – We prefer the local news of murder/rape/smuggling/hawala/suicide/accident/bribery/raid more than what goes on with the nation. I said we ‘prefer’, just that other news takes a backseat. We still have time to discuss about other things after we are done with the daily news analysis. After the Paul-Murder that filled the news, Sex-racket in Cochin is gaining momentum. And if not that then we will find something else.

6. Public Holidays, Celebrations and Hartal – Someone banned ‘bandh’ couple of years back and ever since its ‘hartal’ for everything. Last year my mom told me that there were 52 un-official holidays, thanks to the hartals. Hartals are treated a bit differently. The whole family is together, some good movie will be aired on tv, so it basically ends up having a semi-festive feeling about it. Hinduism, Christianity and Islam 3 major religions and hence we have 3 major festive seasons – Onam, Christam and Ramzan. Hinduism is not strict like its outside the state. The fact that has been proved with almost everyone having Beef (the meat of cow tastes better than the ox )

and i love it in here …