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Tag Archives: wedding
Post Marital Analysis
Well its been over two months since i got married, got settled in Bangalore and living, lets say a quite ‘comfortable’ life. The root cause of this post is because i have to constantly answer the rhetorical and tiring question from friends, relatives and family – ‘So how is life?’.
Well what do you want me to say? That my wife is a pain in my not so fat ass and that every time she offers me something i make the her have a portion of that, just to make sure that its not poisoned and that my life has become one living hell. OR Shower praises about her and talk endlessly about her goodness OR Would a simple ‘Ok!’ would do.
So what really is it like after 2 months. For one thing for sure, you can’t black mail me with stories of me and my ex-girlfriends. She has already gone through my stuff while i was not at home and the best part being she confessing all of it after getting drunk (now that’s the way to extract secrets out of her!)
One thing good is what has happened to my eating habits. There is breakfast, lunch and dinner without fail. Its been almost a month since i have stepped into the kitchen to make something for myself. The very first month itself i taught her the basics of cooking, and impressed her with my culinary skills. Now she is able to handle the kitchen all by herself. As i tell my friends, earlier i used to got to the kitchen and then make food, now the food comes to me! In short i have trained her!
Oh Wait!
Now i realize what has actually happened! After the first month and after she had mastered the ways of the ‘kitchen’ , i thought i had trained her to do what ever she liked. But now i realize that it was the other way round. One month, it was just one month that she listed to me and then did what ever i asked her to. These days she cooks dinner and says, ‘Honey! come for dinner’. At times she tells me what we need to do when we have some spare time. Oh my god, she has trained me without my knowledge into her pet.
.. wait .. she is saying something..
Oh, dinner is ready! I need to go.
Oh Mama, I lost my Virginity!
I could feel her heart beat. It was racing up. Her breathing became heavier with each passing moment. She held me tight and squeezed her against me.
Inching closer, i felt her lips against mine. I slipped into sweet seduction.
Ok period! This post is not meant to be of any pornographic value. The intend of this post is to announce my engagement on my blog. 
Well, apparently after reading the title and then the first two lines, someone might have got a heart attack and as i’m typing this i’m laughing out loud. Yes the repercussions of this post will be quite sour, but i like the 10sec fun at times. No its not my fiance whom i’m fearing (i’ll fear her post engagement), but its her mother. Yes my Mother-in-law
Well she apparently goes through my blog and makes it a point that she reads my twitter feeds too. So this was my way of telling her – “This is me Jerry and i’ll be marrying your daughter 
!!!”. Oh, i can so visualize her in my mind right now. The phone at my home ringing, my folks coming to know about the post and they reading it and it all adding up to the visits on my site.
The what the heck is the title about? Well i’m losing my bachelorhood and that is almost as equivalent my virginity. Have been carefree, lived by my own terms, raced my bike on roads, went on late night drives, partied all night, slept through the day. No one to ask why? No one to ask where? But now its all changing. Isn’t that an important phase. I bet!. I will be stepping into responsibilities (yikes!!!) and relations(yawn!!) and have to keep’em all my life. But to tell ya, its a good feeling. Trust me, you should give it a try. But dont blame me if u crash and burn.
Now the details. kindly read the F.A.Qs and if that doesnt answer the questions post your query in the comments and i will reply to it.
Kindly note that questions like “Did you tell her about the night that you sneaked into your ex-girlfriends bedroom and kissed her for the first time?” will be promptly deleted and wont see the light ever again. Though the answer to that will be “No!” . What! You want me to get myself killed or what? Stan , i guess you get the point!!!
Frequently Asked Questions.
Q. Whats her name and location?
A. Bhavna. Hails from Cochin.
Q. What does she do?
A. Working at a s/w company in Chennai.
Q. So does that mean that she is a techie like you and is into blogging?
A. No! and i’m fine with it. Well one of a kind is all thats needed in a family. Have doubts ask my mother-in-law.
Q. Does that mean that you will be shifting to Chennai after wedding?
A. No. She will join me here in Bangalore.
Q. What are you getting as dowry?
A. Nothing! Dowry is illegal. In fact i’m losing stuffs. How about my bachelorhood to start with.
Q. When is the engagement?
A. November 15th, 2009. The Wyte Fort Cochin. Some time after 11AM.(Google Maps Link)
Q. When is the wedding?
A. One at a time plz. Let me get over the engagement first
Q. What should i do if i want to attend the function?
A. Call me or drop me an e-mail and we shall make some arrangements.
You have thus been invited… (if my in-laws doesnt kill me before the function)
WTF List of Wedding Gifts!
I’m not the marriage kind of guy, but even i’m pretty much sure about what is considered as cliche or lame for a wedding gift. But time and again i see people not even caring for what they want to give as gift. If you cant find a right gift, then better dont buy anything. Later, for sure, you can find one and gift the couple.
Here is my list of items that i think is lame and useless -
- Flowers – totally WTF!
- Wall clock – Totally lame
- Dinner Set – I have no clue why people gift this
- DVDs and CDs – Strict no no (i did the mistake and had to pay dearly)
- Teddy Bears – This aint a birthday party you bone head!
- Cushions – Yes i have seen people gifting wrapped up cushions.. WTWTF!!!
If you have a worse item. Feel free to add along…
Wedding Bells!!! Uhh What? Where’s my BFG?
(Still wondering what a BFG is? read on…)
I was there, standing at a railway crossing. I can walk across the rails and go ahead on the road, on my way, where ever it can take me. But, No! I park my bike and start walking on the railway line. Minutes and hours pass by. I come across green meadows, houses, hills; it was a timeless journey. No thirst, no hunger, no pain, nothing. It was me, the railway line and the view. I don’t know how far i was walking. The sun was there shining high up in the sky. He never moved. I was lost in my thoughts.
It has been quite sometime that I’ve started hearing some strange sounds. It sounded like the ringing bell of an old steam-locomotive. Ting…. Ting…. Ting….
I was high on my spirits. After a long walk, i have a train to go forward. This was like the ultimate dream. Or am i dreaming? I stop to turn around. What the…. my legs are glued to the ground. I cant move!!!. I was struggling like hell to free myself. Behind me i could see the dust and smoke rising up in the horizon. What ever it may be, the dream was just about to turn ugly. My heart’s beating a 1000 beats per minute.
I look behind. I see a shining far behind. Its small, its fast and its coming my way. I’m struggling like hell. I hear the bell ringing even closer. I turn behind… What the #$#%^&^(*(&)(*_)… a pandit with neatly shaved head, big pony tail flying behind him, ringing his bell with one hand and a ‘portable’-fireplace (might be some new 21st century invention).. running towards me. What on heaven’s sake is that?
“Son”, holy crap!!! its my dad, standing to my right.
“What… How… Why…”
“Son”, jeeezzzz, its my mom, standing to my left.
“What… What are you guys doing here?”
“Tie the knot my son!!!”, they both say that with absolute precision that can even leave the most meticulously synchronized systems to shame.
“Tie what?”, i look in front of me and i almost faint. I’m holding a ‘mangalsuthru’ and there is this girl standing in front of me. I don’t know jack shit about her. Is this a right time to at least ask her name?. What am i doing …
Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting …….
I was still sweating and breathing heavily as i jumped out of my bed. Checked around me and all round my flat just to make sure that i didn’t really wake up after my first-night… or worse 20 years after my marriage. So why do i get the feeling that this is what is going to happen to me????
Parental-pressure is high! By parental-pressure i mean damn crazy pressure that can cause you to go sleepless for days at end. If i thought that could only be the only one which can cause unrest in my serene life, i was wrong. There was… No… there IS a far more greater pressure that will eventually get happy bachelors to get married. Its scientifically called Peer-Pressure a.k.a Friends.
Celibacy is not my way of life. But Yes, face it! Its your FRIENDS who will eventually get you married. They will all be there. They are the greatest treasure that u can have. Even long after you are gone, you will live within your friends. ‘Gone’ as in not like you are dead. ‘Gone’ as in, you go on-site and they will still talk about you as, ‘Kaminaa Saala!!! On-site se kuch nahi leke aayega. Fakeeerrrr…’. You live now, not after you’re dead.
They are there. But have you ever though about what happens when they all eventually face the running-pandit, gets run over by him, never gets a chance to wake up and lives the ‘dream’. Oops you’re in trouble.
They all get married and start their family. They no longer enjoy the jokes that you shared. Even worse they even reach a point where they tell you, “Dude don’t talk about all that, she doesn’t like all that”. Worse still, his wife hates you and more worse, her husband starts having feelings for you.
Oops! your friend will change. They all change eventually and you are left alone. You just cant go and make more friends because, the ‘make-great-friends’ list gets shorter with age. Soon you will find yourself without the great friends that you used to hand out with, no new friends and you are being treated like an adult where ever you go. And i believe the later stage is definitely not where i want to find myself at.
So now there is even more pressure on you to get married…
Whats that… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting… Where is that BFG (Big Fucking Gun), i’m gonna kill that pandit…
WTF… its full platoon of relatives and friends marching towards me. Dad and Mom holding a garland each, friends with kids and its then i realize that the pandit was just a side-kick.
I just stand there like a scapegoat as they dance around me… Ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting…